Awareness over willpower

Hey everybody, welcome back to The Staring Adventure and this is mini episode Monday. I wanted to talk about something that really shifted things for me when it came to breaking habits that weren't helpful and they weren't serving me. And no, it wasn't about willpower or discipline, it was about awareness. And for years I had a habit that felt pretty automatic and I wouldn't say compulsory, but It seemed pretty important at the time, and it was every night pouring myself a glass of wine, sometimes two, and for the longest time I thought, this is just what I do, right? I deserve this, it's five o'clock or six o'clock, I love my evening glass of wine, it helps me relax, and what I didn't realize was that the glass of wine wasn't just about unwinding, but it really was about avoiding. I had For those of you who know, I had a pretty challenging career. I was a humanitarian aid worker, and I was working in a number of places. Angola, Kosovo, Sri Lanka, Yemen. Iraq and Lebanon and I guess It was challenging and I was in a long distance relationship for part of that. I wasn't sure what I wanted, if I wanted to stay with that, if I wanted to make changes and I felt stuck. Confused, unfulfilled. Like, I was, getting through the day. Sometimes I enjoyed it, sometimes I didn't. I don't know, there was a lot of discomfort. And that glass of wine became the most important part of my day. It became the most exciting part of my day. And It was a way of tuning out the stress, the frustration, the nagging feeling that I wanted something different but didn't know how to make that change. And it became a routine. It just became something that I really looked forward to. And for the longest time I thought the problem was discipline. That I should drink less, that I should have more self control, that I should be You know, really more disciplined. But here's what I didn't realize. The problem wasn't my willpower. It was my lack of awareness. I wasn't paying attention to why I kept reaching for that glass of wine. Why was it so important? Why was it so exciting? Why was it the best part of my day? I wasn't noticing the little things, the thoughts, the feelings, the triggers that led me to that glass. I wasn't asking myself, Why was I really looking forward to this moment? And because I wasn't paying attention, I had no idea what to fix. I kept Trying to change the glass of wine. But the moment that everything shifted for me was when I started to simply notice. Instead of telling myself to stop drinking, or to force myself to cut back, I got curious. One night, I sat down, wine in hand, and asked myself, What's going on around me right now? How am I feeling? And what do I really need in this moment? and what I realized hit me hard. It wasn't the drinking of the wine Because I loved it so much. I was drinking because I didn't want to think about work I didn't want to feel the frustration the exhaustion The boredom the overwhelm and that glass of wine was simply my escape route Once I saw that pattern I started to ask myself What else can I do to feel better? Some nights, I swapped the wine for a walk outside. Other nights, I was doing a lot of coaching. I started coaching more clients. I started really directing my efforts into my business and into learning more about coaching and just focusing on building that business. So instead of trying to run from the discomfort, I channeled that energy and those hopes and that idea of my future into those evenings. And slowly things started to shift. It wasn't overnight. And it wasn't perfect, but I began to see that change wasn't about forcing myself to stop drinking. It was about understanding why I wanted that glass of wine in the first place. So here's my challenge to you. For the next 24 hours, just notice Whatever habit you have that feels automatic, whether it's pouring a drink, snacking late at night, scrolling on your phone, just pay attention to it. And then ask yourself, am I actually craving this? Or am I trying to avoid something? What's going on around me when I do this? And how do I feel before, during, and after? You don't have to fix anything yet. Just notice it, because once you see the pattern, you will start to have the power to change it. Breaking habits isn't about being more disciplined. It's about being more aware. We're not just trying to change the action, but we need to be aware of what we're thinking and what we're feeling in the moment. And when you start to pay attention, you stop running on autopilot and you take back control because this is where your power is. And then that's when real and lasting change happens. All right, that's it for my mini episode today. Thanks for joining me. and if you're ready to start making real changes in your life, I can help the link to my calendars in the show notes, sign up for your free 45 minute discovery call. And let's talk about what's going on for you. What are you avoiding? What do you need to think and feel? And let's talk about creating the life that you really want to live instead of living on default or stuck in a life that no longer fits you. Thanks everybody. Take care. Bye bye.