Change is Hard

Hi everybody. Welcome back to This Daring Adventure. This is episode 34 and it's all about why change is hard.

How many times have you tried to change something about yourself or something about your life?

Maybe it's trying to drink less.

Maybe it's trying to lose weight.

Maybe it's trying to quit smoking, start an exercise program, learn a new language, whatever it is.

Probably you've had to make multiple attempts, and I know for myself, I've tried a few times for different things, cutting out meat, reducing my drinking, exercising regularly, all the things, right? Just these things that you want to do and, and to, to make changes to particularly lifestyle.

So it's not uncommon that we struggle to make sustainable changes, but. It's key to understand why, especially if we are going to make that change stick in the long term. And I do wanna assure you here at the beginning, and I will get to this later in the podcast, but change is possible. Making sustainable change is possible, but it does take work. It does take effort and the greater your understanding as to why this is hard, the better chance you will have at making the change last as, so if we look at the change that we've tried to to make in our lives and how human beings act. We can see a couple of things.

For instance, we start out, we have very high expectations about what's gonna happen, how quickly we're gonna change, how successful we we're going to be. We expect to see results pretty quickly, and we will get disappointed and frustrated if we don't start seeing those results soon. And we also have a low tolerance for failure, if we strike out, if we fail, if we don't make the change lasting. We tend to make it mean a lot about ourselves and about whether change is possible, and we usually will give up after one or two attempts. And when we do change, or sorry, when and when we do fail. When we don't make change last, then we tend to make it a critical flaw in ourselves that somehow it is a reflection of our weakness and our inability to to change and to grow and to do things differently because we want to. And we are very quick to label it as impossible. Change is impossible. It's impossible for us to change, but as I said, change is possible and it takes work and it takes effort. It takes patience. It's not easy, but it is possible. And it doesn't matter how many times you've failed in the past, it is always possible in your future if that's what you want.

Don't let us make the past a predictor of what would be possible for us in the future. If we can channel the correct or the right mindset and have enough determination, then change will be possible. In order to make a change in our lives and to drop a habit, pick up a new habit, learn something new. It's important that we don't define ourselves by our past, and this will go for everything that you do, no matter what you are trying to learn or to change or to try. It's not going to serve you, and in fact, it's gonna hold you back if you are defining your capacity and your future by your past, especially by your past failures. Your past failures do not have to mean anything about you, and they do not have to mean anything about your capacity to grow in the future or to change in the future. To do whatever it is that you want to do. You always get to choose what you make your past mean, and you get to choose whether you want to let it define you or not. And chances are that the past, defining yourself by the past is not going to serve you. It's not going to be helpful, and it's also not the truth.

Your past does not define you, so you don't have to make it mean anything that you don't want. also know that failure, Your past attempts at trying to change were not successful, are not a sign of weakness. They are not a sign that there is something wrong with you.

There is nothing wrong with you.

You just haven't figured it out yet. You're not there yet. Just because you haven't achieved whatever it is that you desire to change, it doesn't mean that you can't, and it doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you. It's very easy to replay all the failures, all you know, list all the attempts, all the reasons why you aren't able to change all the stories that you have made up in your head about what the failure means, and you will be able to present evidence, I'm sure. If anybody asks you, you would be able to present a ton of evidence as to why change is not possible for you and what all those past attempts mean.

Oftentimes we refer to the number of times that we've tried to change as evidence, the number of years that we've been trying to change our age. I am now 51 and I've been trying to lose weight for 30 years. So therefore it means that it's just not possible. I should have figured this out.

We believe that it just shouldn't take multiple attempts and that we believe that we shouldn't fail.

We believe that it shouldn't take multiple attempts, and we believe we shouldn't ever fail, but that's not how it works. This is not the mindset that we want to be starting with because it will only set us up for disappointment and frustration. We tend to think that we should just be able to make this change and that we should just be able to figure things out without help, without multiple attempts, without the hard work and without experiencing a certain level of discomfort. And when we do fail, then we tend to shame ourselves. We beat ourselves up and we focus on all of the negativity. We allow it to get the best of us. We don't allow ourselves to get curious and to try and understand what's gone on and what we can learn from it if we're not seeing the results that we want, then it's time to take a pause. It's time to reflect and get some perspective. What is the reason that we're not achieving the change that we want? Find why, try and make it have some sense for you so that you can understand it, but don't beat yourself up about it. And instead, try to find aspects of the progress that you've made in order to celebrate it and learn from it.

There's no shame in failure. There's no shame in making attempts, and you just want to meet yourself where you're at. This is the process. This is where we're learning.

This is where we're growing.

Know that you can just start again and keep going, and that is how we improve and figure out how to succeed at making the change sustainable. You have to be patient with yourself and you have to just keep going.

Know that we're not supposed to know exactly how to change on the first attempt. It's okay if we don't succeed right away. That's perfectly normal, and if we just embrace it as part of the process, then we will be more willing to to try again.

We also need to realize that it's going to be hard. It's going to involve a certain level of discomfort, and that's okay.

Change involves discomfort. If we can embrace that and allow for it, know it's gonna be there, know that it isn't gonna kill us, it isn't gonna harm us, and. Everything we want is on the other side of that discomfort and all of the emotions that will come up during the process. It's a part of the experience. It's a part of being human. If we can allow for it and know that it's okay, know that it's gonna be there, expect it, welcome it. Even if you're really enthusiastic, and then keep going. You must know that change is possible. Our brain has the ability and the capacity to change and to learn new behaviors and habits, but it will take practice and it will take effort, but it will be worth it in the end. Embrace that discomfort, your brain will fight you on this the whole way. It will offer you reasons why you shouldn't even try. Why it's too late, why it's too hard, why you're gonna fail again, why you shouldn't get up at 8:00 AM and go to the gym, or why you shouldn't skip that extra drink or not go shopping and purchase whatever it is on Amazon or why you shouldn't give up smoking. It will offer you all sorts of reasons, and it will work against you because it doesn't like to make the effort to change. It wants to be efficient, it just wants to keep doing what it's doing. It's safe, it knows it, it's comfortable, but again, then we go back to that discomfort.

There's gonna be discomfort physically, emotionally, mentally, and this is a part of the process and you have to use other parts of your brain in order to override that primitive part of our brain that's trying to hold us back and keep us from changing.

Use that prefrontal cortex in order to plan, in order to think about what you're thinking about, to rationalize and to analyze and to know, and to supervise that primitive part of your brain. In order to push yourself to override those primitive instincts, to keep you safe and to be as efficient as possible with your energy, you will have to use your brain to override that primitive part of your brain. If you have not been able to achieve change before, it's okay.

You don't have to make it mean anything about you. It does not define you and it does not predict your future. It's okay if you need to make multiple attempts. It's okay if you need to start again tomorrow. It's okay if you have to plan on it taking some time, get the support you need, take the time that you need, and be kind and patient with yourself. Your mindset around how you think about yourself and how you talk to yourself. How you think about the process and what's possible for you is going to be key. It's going to be pivotal. You have to be mindful. You have to be aware of what's going on in your brain and what you're thinking, and cultivate greater awareness.

You can do this through journaling. You can do this through meditation, mindfulness, coaching. All of these exercises in order to help you gain that awareness and see with clarity what's going on in your mind and what thoughts and what feelings you're experiencing, give you some perspective and help you to make those shifts you need in order to succeed. I've talked about this before, but adopting a growth mindset. So important. Start working on your belief that change is possible. Change will be possible if you believe that it is, and it can be as simple as choosing certain thoughts in order to move you closer and closer to that belief. If you're struggling to believe a hundred percent that it is possible and you want to pick thoughts that resonate with you, that feel good So you can look at creating sentences that you can use and repeat to yourself. It's possible that I can change, maybe I can. Do this differently this time. Maybe it is possible that I can learn how to do this thing. Repeat those. Think about which ones speak to you, which ones resonate with you, and practice them. Post them on sticky notes. Put them on your phone. Have them handy so that you can remind yourself and use them as you need them.

Your thoughts will be pivotal for your success. Just like your mindset. So work on those daily, generate that awareness and work on them as much as you can in order to be clear. But what's going on in your head? Because if that's not clear and you're allowing your brain to work on autopilot, it will. Focus on the wrong things. It will focus on the things that it sees as a problem. It sees as negative and it will want to keep you stuck in the cave, stuck in the same patterns and continually just repeating more of the past.

So, As you embark on your journey to change whatever it is that you wanna change, learn to embrace failure. Failure will be part of the process. It will happen to all of us repeatedly. Acknowledge your failures and your mistakes, but learn from them and don't let them define you. They're nothing at all to be ashamed of. They're just simply a part of the process, and you can use it all for your growth and your eventual success. All right.

Be consistent in showing up for yourself and working on your thinking and your mindset. Put in the time, put in the work. Allow for the discomfort. I cannot say that enough. The discomfort will be there. That's a part of the process, but all the time and all the work and being consistent and showing up for yourself will help you to build confidence that you can succeed and that you will make lasting change. It won't happen overnight and some changes happen quickly. For sure. There are instant changes, but most will require multiple attempts and time and effort, and that's okay.

You've got this.

Change is possible, so go for it.

All right, that's what I have for you today.

Thank you so much for tuning in.

If you want some help in making changes in your life, big or small, I.

I can help.

I have a three month one-to-one coaching program called Meant For More, and this is a bespoke, tailored coaching program designed to help you move forward and create whatever it is you want in your life.

If you're interested in learning more or if you're just simply interested in trying coaching for yourself, I will put the link to my calendar in the show notes and you can sign up for a free private one hour coaching session. you will walk away with tangible plans in order to help move you forward towards whatever it is you wanna create. Invest this hour in yourself and learn more about what you're thinking, how you're feeling, and how it is creating the results you are getting in your life. if you're feeling like you're meant for more, it's because you are.

So sign up today. Let's chat.

I can't wait to speak to you and share how powerful coaching is. It's changed my life and I am on a mission to change other women's lives in the exact same way. I will talk to you next week. Take care.

Thank you for listening to This Daring Adventure podcast with your host Trista Guertin. We hope you enjoyed the tips and conversations on how to get excited about life Again, as always, you can head to tristaguertin.com for additional resources and to book a one-on-one coaching session. You can also follow Trista on Instagram at tristavguertin. Don't forget to subscribe, rate and review us on Apple Podcasts. Thanks again for tuning in and we'll see you next time.