Changing Your Mind

Welcome to This Daring Adventure podcast where we work on bridging the gap between where we are and where we want to be in order to live a bigger and bolder life. In this podcast, we will provide inspiration, tips, and skills need to make your life the adventure you want it to be.

Here's your host, mindset mentor, and life coach, Trista Guertin.

Hey everybody. Welcome back to This Daring Adventure. Thank you so much for joining me today.

What I wanted to talk about today was flip flopping. When we make a decision, and in particular, I'm thinking about courses, lessons, working with someone, hiring a coach or a teacher or signing up for maybe a, a degree or what, whatever it is, right? We've all been there where we make a decision to hire someone or to sign up for something, and then we have second thoughts and. I have done a podcast about making a decision, and so I'm not gonna go into that too much today.

Obviously, you want to be making a decision in abundance as opposed to scarcity and scarcity for me in this instance is when there's like this hurry, when there's this rush. When we have that anxiety like that we have to do this right now or else we're gonna miss out and this is the opportunity. And then, you know, it's, it's just this panicky anxious feeling that we, we need to do this in a hurry. Instead you want to be making a decision that is, More solid where you have slowed down and thinking about how it feels in your body in particular, is it strong? Is it steady? Is it solid or, or is it, as I said, anxious, hurried, you know, sort of panicky and then you know, seeing where you are on that spectrum and then making a decision or holding off until you are in that place where you are solid and sure, keeping in mind, you may never be a hundred percent sure right there mean there are no certainties, there are no guarantees. But at least that you are committed and ready and sure that you are willing to do the work and go all in.

Oftentimes, my coach talks about deciding ahead of time that you're gonna go all in, that you're going to get your money's worth, that whatever your initial investment is, you're gonna double that, triple that 10X it, whatever it is. Just making that commitment that you are going to go all in and make it work But what I wanted to talk about today is if you've made that initial decision to go in and to purchase or sign up, but then maybe later that day, maybe a day or two later, maybe a week or two later, your brain starts to offer you thoughts that this is a mistake, it's not working. I can't do this.

There's going to be some sort of flavor of your brain, and I want to say backpedaling, sort of offering you a lot of doubts and uncertainty around your initial decision.

And this is very normal.

Our brain will default to the negative. It will be looking for problems. It also doesn't like the unknown. If you're signing up for something, you're not quite sure what's going to be involved, how much work it's going to be, how much time it's gonna require, what the end results are gonna be, whether it's gonna work for you or not. And so your brain just doesn't like that unknown, and it doesn't like the uncertainty and it certainly doesn't like to do the work.

You have probably heard me in other podcasts, our brain is driven by a need to seek pleasure, avoid pain, and be as efficient as possible, and doing the work, making the change, showing up, going all in is work and it's far easier for the brain to conserve energy and be lazy and just sit back and keep things the same.

So what can we do when this starts to happen? And when you start to think that maybe you need to reverse your decision and change your mind? The first thing you want to do is just slow down. Take some time. Don't make any decisions in a hurry. Again, from that place of panic, insecurity, anxiousness, that's not where you want to be making that decision. That's not how you want to be feeling.

So you want to slow down and you want to figure out what you're thinking and how you're feeling. The reason why I'm actually doing this podcast today is because back in early July, I signed up for something that was just six week course, and the timeframe enable, or the timeframe in which I had to sign up was fairly short, and I had to make a decision. And so I made this decision to go ahead, even though I knew that the timing wasn't great because I was about to go on vacation for three weeks. I knew that I wasn't able to fully commit in terms of the time required, but honestly, my intuition and from what I saw that was being offered, was very compelling and I believed that it was important for me to be a part of it.

Immediately after I signed up, of course my brain started, what are you doing? This is a waste of money. You're not gonna be able to do this. You're not gonna have any time. This is, this is all wrong. It's a mistake. Very normal for my brain to be offering these thoughts. There was some truth in it. I knew when I made this decision that I didn't have the time to be able to commit fully to this, but I figured that I would do what I could get the materials, learn the lessons, go back, rewatch the classes, and do the work after, right? Which means now when I'm back fully at work, but, my process to go back is to slow down and to, and to look at this.

And again, not to make a decision either way, if I'm feeling panicky and anxious and uncertain, Then it's about being self-aware and knowing that I have this habit. I know I've done this with not everything, but I would say pretty regularly with many things, and I'm not just talking about courses or coaching or hiring somebody, signing up for anything. it could be trips, sometimes it could be just a purchase that I've made in terms of clothing. It, it could be anything really, this pattern does show up in my life, so I am aware that this is what my brain does like to do. I make a commitment, I make a purchase, and then my brain is like, oh, problem. Not sure that this is a good idea. Maybe you shouldn't be spending that money. Maybe you're not going to be able to do that. Maybe it's not going to work. My brain definitely has this pattern. So you might want to look at your own life and see is there a pattern here? Is this normal? And I guarantee you that it is very normal because this is what our brain likes to do. It doesn't like to expend energy. It doesn't like the unknown.

Next, you want to look at self-trust, and this for me is having trust in my original decision. And again, I do like to use the term intuition because there was something pulling me towards doing this six week course.

It really was something that was pulling me. And so I trust that. I trust that maybe there are reasons, unconsciously, and consciously that I have that drew me to that course and prompt me to sign up. I also trust how it feels in my body when I think about that and I think about the reasons, being clear about the reasons why I signed up, and trusting that there was a reason and usually it felt good in my body at the time. I also know I need to focus. I think sometimes when I make a decision for one thing, then I need to just focus on that and not be looking at other options, not be looking at what else is out there, not be focusing on the 500 emails that I get a day offering me courses and workshops and coaching and programs and all the things. 'cause it's easy to get bombarded with all of these things, and it tends to create confusion and decision fatigue.

So you want to just focus on what. You've decided on and what you've purchased or what you've signed up for, whatever it is, and don't let yourself get distracted by all the millions of other options out there that make you think twice about whether you've made the right decision or whether you should have chosen something else. It doesn't serve you. I always have to go back to, I have plenty of time. I can always sign up. Later. I can always choose that thing next time, and it's okay. There is plenty of time. Nothing has gone wrong. Then I do, and this goes back to some of the, the self-trust, trusting the original idea.

So in this instance, I also remind myself of my why. Why did I choose this? And you can list specific reasons. I felt that this work was something that would really move me forward in my business and in my life. That it was the right choice, that this is what I needed at that time, and I trust that that is still true, and I like that reason. I also looked at the format. I looked at the length. I looked at what was included. I looked at the price. All of those things I liked. I had to remind myself of all of those reasons, and that can be helpful again for your brain. It will be looking for evidence as to why it's not a good idea.

So here in this instance, when you remind yourself of why you originally decided to do the thing or purchase the thing, giving it the evidence and the reasons why you chose it in the first place, give it alternate evidence and then you can ask yourself questions. And there are some great questions that can be asked. You can make up whatever you want, but some of the ones that I like to use are, why am I choosing to think this? If I'm thinking the thought that this is a mistake or that I can't do this, or something has gone wrong, asking yourself, get your brain to do the work. Like, why am I choosing to think this? Then asking what else could be true? And that's going back to some of the evidence that I mentioned, looking at not just allowing your brain to go to all the reasons why this won't work or why this can't be, but going to why it could be, what else could be true. And then, you could look at, what is the cost? And I don't mean necessarily monetarily, but it can be. But what is the cost if I don't go ahead with this? It could be that I would lose some money. It could be that it would cost more later, but I am thinking here in terms of, you know, I would just be stuck doing the same thing.

In my business and in my life, I'm not going to be learning anything new. I'm not going to be moving myself forward. The cost could be that I just stay stuck and I just keep repeating the same patterns and the same habits.

I don't learn anything new to make any changes, because if you want a different result, you have to do something differently, and it's very difficult for us to always teach ourselves how to do things differently and how to move that needle forward. So getting that support to me is worth it. And not getting it could cost me staying stuck, keeping things the same, staying the same. And then the opposite of that question would be what are the opportunities and possibilities?

If I do, and again, it's like moving myself forward, it's getting unstuck. It's changing my beliefs, it's doing the work. It could change me, it could change my business. It could change my life, right? I would learn new skills. I would learn new ways of doing things and deciding that those could be true. Next, how can I trust myself? Asking your brain like, why, how can I trust myself and see what, what comes up for me? It's, again, going back to that original decision and using my intuition and knowing that I was originally drawn to make that decision in the first place. Another question might be, why did I originally make this decision? In pushing yourself to create that evidence, to give those facts, to unearth some of those thoughts and what you were thinking at that time that prompted you to make that decision, find those and use that as evidence for your brain to reinforce your decision. And how does this decision feel in my body when I think about quitting? When I think about going ahead with it, how does it feel in my body? And you have to sit for a moment. You have to get quiet. You have to slow down. You have to drop into your body. Give yourself a few minutes to really feel where it is and how it's showing up. Name the emotion, name the sensation, what's going on. You can spend some time writing about this.

Doing a thought download, get some of what is going on in your mind down on paper so that you can take a look at it in black and white. That might give you a little bit of a different perspective. Then you can look at what are the facts. What are my thoughts about this? And it will provide you with some clarity about what thoughts your brain is offering you that may not be serving you or may not be helpful. And then you can question whether you want to keep thinking them or not.

If you don't wanna keep thinking them, then what are some alternative thoughts that you can create, come up with? That feel a little bit better, that maybe help to move you forward. It takes a little bit of effort. It takes a little bit of time to come up with some of these.

They don't have to be radical you know, rainbows and daisies and unicorns to feel great thoughts, but you can find something that feels slightly better than some of the thoughts that are creating the doubt and the uncertainty for yourself. You can also write a list of your reasons of why you selected the course or why you wanna not continue. Take a look at them.

Again, writing them down on paper is great to see them in black and white and give you that perspective, and then you can decide which you like better. Do you like your reasons for staying and continuing and going all in, or do you like your reasons for changing your mind? There's no right or wrong answer here. There's nothing good nor bad. It's just simply a process to understand and. The whole reason is to ensure that you're not just giving into the uncertainty and the insecurity that your brain is offering you if it's working on autopilot, because it's very normal for our brain to have a little bit of a freakout and to be questioning and to default to the negative. And if we're not conscious of this process, then. We stay stuck and we're not moving ourselves forward. We're not growing, we're not learning. So you do want to examine and do some analysis, and I'm not against changing minds and making a different decision than you initially did. Don't get me wrong. But you just want to do it consciously and not on autopilot. Not allowing the fear and the uncertainty in your brain to get the best of you, because that's not how we go to the next level, and that's not how we evolve. It just keeps us stuck in more of the same.

Finally, whatever you decide, whatever your final decision is, have your own back. Trust yourself that this is the best decision for you, and don't engage anymore In going back and forth second guessing or worrying about regret, decide that this is the best decision that you can make for yourself right now, based on the information, based on what you're thinking, based on how you're feeling. Just trust yourself. Have your own back. Decide that this is the best decision for yourself. I hope that helps. I decided to stay in that course. I'm doing the work now. I'm really happy with it, and I know it will move the needle forward for me personally and professionally. I've decided that that's the case. I've decided that I am going to go all in and get my investment back and, and more. I've decided that this is a good decision and that's it. I'm not engaging in it anymore. You can do the same with any decision about anything, knowing that your brain will have this tendency to backtrack, to backpedal, to be wary, to be afraid, all very normal. This is the way our brain operates. But trust yourself that you were drawn to whatever it is, and that you can move yourself forward. No matter what, by trusting how it feels in your body and examining your thinking, not letting your brain go off on autopilot.

If you have any questions, if you have any comments, I would love to hear from you If you would like to discuss in more detail making decisions regardless of what they are.

I offer a private one hour coaching session so you can try coaching yourself. Let's talk about what's on your mind and what you're going through.

Coaching is the best way to get some clarity, to get some confidence, to get some calm, and so I invite you to come. Let's talk. Let's go into any issue you wish and help you to get that clarity and that confidence and that calm. I will also tell you a little bit about my three month 12 session coaching program. It's a bespoke program. I work with a limited number of women in this program to help them to get unstuck, to finally get that clarity and that confidence and that calm that they want in order to create the results that they truly desire in their life for themselves. You don't have to stay stuck.

If you have a moment to rate, review, share and subscribe, please do so. Thank you so much for listening today. I'll talk to you next week. Bye-bye.

Thank you for listening to This Daring Adventure podcast with your host, Trista Guertin. We hope you enjoyed the tips and conversations on how to get excited about life again.

As always, you can head to tristaguertin.com for additional resources and to book a one-on-one coaching session.

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