How to be kinder to yourself

Hey, everybody. Here's your mini episode for today. And I wanted to talk about something that can really change the way you show up for yourself every single day. It's how to be kind to yourself and to hold yourself to high expectations. Now, if that sounds like a contradiction, I promise you it's not. In fact, these two things are a really powerful combination and something that most of us weren't taught. So, let me ask you something. Who modeled for you how to be kind to yourself? For a lot of us, the answer is no one. Maybe our caregivers didn't know how to do it for themselves. Most likely, it's not something that we're taught in school, and let's face it, most workplaces, relationships, or social settings aren't handing out awards for self compassion. Oftentimes we look externally for validation and support and confirmation of, of what we're doing and that we're okay and that we're doing it right and that we're doing it well. That can be really disappointing, because most likely, people aren't going to give you what you want, and it's never going to be enough, it's never going to be enough to fill that hole or that need inside you, if you can't give it to yourself. When we don't learn how to do this for ourselves, it just leaves that huge gap, and then we miss out on the chance to build a supportive, motivating, and growth oriented relationship with the person we spend the most time with. And that's ourselves. We have to build that relationship with ourselves in order to give ourselves what we need. So let me give you a few examples of what being kind to yourself and having high expectations might sound like in your head. The first might be, okay, All right, I see what I'm doing there. Hmm, interesting. Like, it looks like I'm making things a lot harder for myself than they need to be. I wonder why I'm doing that. I bet I have a good reason, and I'm gonna try and figure that out. The second might be, Hey, you did a great job today. I'm so proud of you. Thank you. Thank you for showing up. for all your hard work. Keep going. You're doing great. And the other example might be, Hey, I have a good idea. Let's, let's go for it. Let's go after that big goal. Let's find out what we can do. What we're capable of. You know, we don't have to do it for any other reason just because it looks like it'll be a lot of fun. Now, imagine if you started talking to yourself in this way. And again, it might be a little bit awkward and might seem a little bit weird. You don't have to do it exactly the way I did it, but I think in general, it will create a lot of shifts for you. And here's why this matters. We're so often much harder on ourselves than anyone else could ever be. and somewhere along the way, many of us learn that to grow or succeed, we have to push ourselves relentlessly, or criticize ourselves into improvement. But that's just not true. When you pair kindness with high expectations, you're giving yourself two things, grace and growth. Grace to be human, make mistakes, and try again. And the motivation to dream bigger, to take action towards those dreams, to go for those big goals and see what we're capable of, what might be possible for ourselves and for our lives. And guess what? You can learn to do this for yourself. Nobody needs to do it for you. It might feel awkward at first, but it's like building any other habit. The more you practice it, the easier it gets. So here's my challenge for you today. Notice your inner dialogue. When something doesn't go as planned, what do you say to yourself? Are you beating yourself up, criticizing yourself, judging yourself? Is that helpful? Because I bet it feels terrible. So then you want to pause and reframe. Use one of the examples I shared earlier or come up with one of your own. Speak to yourself like you would to a close friend. remember to practice daily. Pick one moment each day to cheer yourself on. Reflect with curiosity and encourage yourself to dream big. Oftentimes what I'll do is reflect just before I go to bed with my journal and celebrate some of the wins, some of the things that I did well during the day, that I appreciated the way I showed up, and just to write those down and to reflect on them and congratulate myself. can be a really, really helpful practice. Remember, kindness and high expectations aren't opposites. They're teammates. And when you learn to use both, you really, truly can become unstoppable. thanks for tuning in today and I will talk to you soon. Bye bye.