How to believe in yourself

Welcome to This Daring Adventure podcast, where we work on bridging the gap between where we are and where we want to be in order to live a bigger and bolder life. In this podcast, we will provide inspiration, tips, and skills you need to make your life the adventure you want it to be. Here's your host, mindset mentor and life coach, Trista G

Hey, everybody.

Welcome back to the podcast.

So I'm here and it will not stop snowing. It's cold. I take the dog out for a walk. We don't even walk anymore. Like we haven't walked in a couple of weeks. We just basically go outside. She pees, and then we come back in. I don't know. I refuse to walk in this weather. I mean, the sidewalks you can't even walk on, so I don't even bother trying. I'm looking forward to some weather that I can actually get out for a walk, and I feel like I'm seizing up here.

Anyway, trying to stay warm. I hope you're staying warm too, wherever you are.

Definitely not spending winter here again.

Sorry, Canada. I love you, but no.

All right. So today I wanted to talk about self belief. And it's cultivating self belief. And that is a skill. And I think it's one of the most important skills that we can do, we can create for ourselves, or that we can build for ourselves. And this is really the foundation for everything.

And I feel like I say that a lot, but if you want to go to the next level, if you want to succeed, you want to change, you want to grow, it doesn't matter whether it's in your career or relationships or business or life.

Self belief is non negotiable. You really need to be able to cultivate that for yourself. I think so many times we are looking externally for other people to believe in us, to validate us, to appreciate us, to respect us. But these are things that really need to come from ourselves. And if you know how to cultivate that, if you know how to build that, you know how to give that to yourself, every day, anytime you need it, then really the world is your oyster.

And I'm working actually on a mini course right now called the Validation Shift. And that's going to be going into, looking externally for validation, appreciation.

So, today, part and parcel of that is self belief, and it is something that you can cultivate. We tend to believe that self belief is something either that we have or we don't. And that some people are just naturally confident and the rest of us have to struggle.

But that's not true, per se. And our brain likes to tell us that, but it is basically a lie. Because self belief is a skill. It's a mindset. And it is something that you can build. And it is something that you need to build if you want to live a bigger and bolder life.

We're going to look at that to help you understand where you might be getting stuck and how to move yourself forward. And I'm also going to give you a little bit of an outline as to how you can start to do this for yourself.

So, let's go.

Right now, you might think that the reason you don't fully believe in yourself is because of past failures, it's because you haven't hit your goals yet, or because you don't have enough proof that you can succeed.

And here's the truth: your lack of self belief has nothing to do with what's happened in your life, and it has everything to do with what you keep thinking. I want you to really think about that.

Your self belief doesn't have anything to do with what's happened in your life. It has nothing to do with your past. It has to do with what you're thinking currently. And your brain is wired to scan for evidence of what it already believes.

What you focus on, you will find evidence of. You will find more of. And if you keep telling yourself, I've never done this before, so I probably can't, or I didn't do it before, I failed, so I can't do it now, then that's what your brain will focus on, and that's what It will find evidence for, and this is where most people get stuck. They think confidence comes from evidence.

They think that success will make them believe in themselves, but that's backwards. Belief needs to come first, and then success follows.

There are a few examples here. The first is obviously if you look at somebody like, let's say, Oprah. She didn't have a path paved for her. She didn't have any evidence that she could do it, or that anybody else around her had done it, achieved the level of success that she's achieved. She didn't wait, though, for external proof that she would succeed. She had to believe first and take action, and the more you believe, the more you're going to take action. You'll show up completely differently, and the same principle applies to you.

Once we become adults, we become so fixated on what we've done before and what we make that mean is possible for us in the future. But really, if you think about it, we went through our child entire childhood and adolescence doing things that we had never done before and failing and making mistakes and not doing it well. I mean, just look at walking. Babies never walked before, but that doesn't stop them.

And they fall down, and they fail, and it might take them a bit, but they, they keep trying.

And there's at no point do we think, oh, I don't know if they're gonna walk.

And the baby's not thinking, oh, I don't know if I'm gonna be able to walk, right?

They just do it, and we just keep doing it, and we expect them to do it. They've never done it before. But they figure it out. And somewhere along the way, we become adults, and we become risk adverse, and fearful, and thinking that, we've learned everything that we need to learn, and we've done everything that we need to do, and this is somehow predicting what's possible for us in the future.

But that's not true at all. So, what's the solution? You have to decide, right now, that you are someone who believes in yourself. Think about it. How do any successful people get where they are? They don't wait for proof before believing in themselves. They believe first. They believe they can figure it out. They believe that they have the capacity. They believe that they can learn and they can grow.

From that place, they're generating the feelings of determination and motivation and discipline and excitement, and then they're taking action from that place.

And that's why they can create the results that reinforce that belief in themselves.

Belief is created by choice. You don't need permission. You can think whatever you want. You can believe whatever you want. Really think about that. And you don't need any external validation. You don't even need proof. You just need to decide that you are someone who's going to follow through. Figure things out, do whatever it takes, feel all the emotions, put in the work, put in the time, put in the energy, period. A great way to start building this belief is to ask yourself, what would I do if I already believed I could succeed? And then write that down. Think about it deeply. This is the version of you that you need to start acting like today. Now, how will you actually do this? Let me give you four steps.

The first is we're going to rewire your thoughts. Your current beliefs are just thoughts that you've practiced.

A belief is just a thought you keep thinking over and over again. And that's why it feels so true, because it's so comfortable. it's just repeated. If you want different beliefs, you need to practice different thoughts.

Start by choosing one belief you want to cultivate. Maybe it's, I'm capable of figuring anything out. Repeat it, write it down, practice it daily. Put it on sticky notes, write it on your mirror, put it on your phone, set an alarm, take a look at it, practice it. Write it down in your journal. Whatever you do, just keep reminding yourself.

Now, There's also something that we use that's called the thought ladder method. Ideally what you want to do is become aware and have an understanding of what you're currently thinking about your belief. Are you thinking that you don't have what it takes?

Are you thinking that you can't figure this out? Are you thinking that it's too hard? Are you thinking you're doing it wrong? Whatever it is, gain that awareness.

You can write this out. What are you currently thinking? And then We want to choose a thought that you want to go to.

And that could be, it could be rainbows and daisies. It could be something like, I've got it all figured out or I am unstoppable. Now that's going to feel really far away. It is going to feel like rainbows and daisies and it's not going to be believable. You're not going to feel it. So what we do is we work up to that. We choose thoughts that move us there.

So if you're believing like you, you don't have what it takes, you want to choose a new thought that feels better, a little bit better, a little bit more believable. Not that I am unstoppable or I'm amazing, but maybe I can figure this out. It's possible I can take the next step.

You have to play with it a bit. You have to figure out what feels better. And of course, that's always in your body. Drop into your body. When you think this thought, how does it feel? You want it to feel a little bit better. And then you're going to practice that thought. And once you have a handle on that, you're feeling it, you believe it, and you feel like you're ready to move on, you're going to choose another thought that feels better. Maybe you started with, it's possible that I'm figuring this out. And then you can move to I'm seeing evidence that I am figuring this out bit by bit. And so you keep moving yourself forward.

You keep practicing those thoughts. That's how you're rewiring your brain. It takes a bit of work, takes a bit of effort. Every day you have to be intentional and purposeful about what you're thinking. But this is a really powerful way to move yourself forward.

Next, you want to program your reticular activating system, or the RAS, for success. Your reticular activating system is the filter in your brain that determines what you notice. It will prioritize information that aligns with your beliefs and what you repeatedly focus on.

So, if you are constantly telling yourself, I'm not good enough, your RAS will find evidence to support that. But if you intentionally tell yourself, I am becoming resourceful and capable, Your RAS will start to find proof of that belief instead. In order to program your RAS, you want to practice some visualization, maybe some affirmations, practice your thoughts, write them down.

Write down your wins daily. What went well, what are you seeing? Train your brain to look for success. The more opportunities and confidence you'll create for yourself.

Next, you need to take action without evidence. Just like the baby. That learns to walk, just like the child who learns how to ride a bicycle. You don't need the proof. You need to stop waiting to feel ready. Confidence doesn't come from knowing. It comes from doing.

So you want to take that action now. Even if you feel doubt. Even if your brain is screaming, What if I fail? The only way to build belief is to take action first. Now, I also want you to be able to feel any emotion. The fear will come up, your brain will be trying to protect you, the doubt, the overwhelm.

Nothing has gone wrong. It doesn't mean stop. It doesn't mean that you're doing it wrong. It doesn't mean that you can't do it. Just remind yourself that you can allow those emotions, process them through, which means sitting with it, allowing it to be there, really feel it without trying to react to it, without trying to resist it, without eating a bag of chips to, to drown it out.

Allow it to be there and then think the thoughts that you want to think in order to create the emotion that you need to create to take the action, to generate the confidence to move yourself forward and always track the small wins. You have your journal, write out what, what worked.

Your brain loves proof, so let's give it to it. Keep a record of every small win. Every moment where you showed up, you tried, you followed through. The more you train your brain to see success, the easier belief will become. You really have to show your brain.

You want to think about it as like a dog on a leash. It needs to be led, it needs to be told where to go. If you don't, it will go down the muddy path, roll around, get really dirty, and a mess, and you will have to clean it all up. You want it to go down the dry, clean path, so that you don't have to do the work later. Focus it. Take it. Lead it. Then, you want to be journaling your daily wins.

Even the tiniest ones reinforces your belief in yourself. It can be something really small, like I posted something on social media, I volunteered for something, I spoke up in a meeting today. It's all proof that you are becoming the person you want to be.

So, who will you become when you believe in yourself? When you commit to believing in yourself, everything will start to shift. You will start to show up differently in every area of your life. You will stop overthinking and start taking action. You stop doubting yourself and start figuring things out. And you stop playing small. And you start stepping into your potential.

Belief is the key that unlocks everything you want. Not because it magically guarantees success, but because it will fuel the action that creates the success. The people who achieve their dreams are not necessarily the smartest or the most talented. But they are the ones who know how to generate this belief in themselves, and they refuse to give up on themselves. And that can be you.

That can be anybody.

We all have this power.

So Imagine where you could be a year from now if you committed to self belief today. What if you stopped questioning whether you were good enough and just decided that you are? You have that ability. Your future self is waiting for you to make that decision.

Alright, so, what's one belief you need to cultivate to get to where you want to go? Do that work, think about this, write it down, practice it every day, and most importantly, act as if it's already true.

Thank you for joining me.

If you are ready to take this work deeper, I invite you to get on a discovery call with me and learn more about my three month signature program, Unstuck. This is where we do the work to move you forward, to create the life that you want to create.

You don't have to stay stuck.

And if you're feeling like you're meant for more, it's because you are.

I will put the link to my calendar in the show notes. This is life changing work. It's best investment you can make and it is life changing. All right. Thanks everybody. I'll see you next time.

Bye bye.

Thank you for listening to this daring adventure podcast with your host Trista Guertin.

We hope you enjoyed the tips and conversations on how to get excited about life again.

As always, you can head to tristaguertin.com for additional resources and to book a one on one coaching session.

You can also follow Trista on Instagram at tristavguertin.

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