How to get UNSTUCK

Welcome to This Daring Adventure podcast, where we work on bridging the gap between where we are and where we want to be in order to live a bigger and bolder life. In this podcast, we will provide inspiration, tips, and skills you need to make your life the adventure you want it to be. Here's your host, mindset mentor and life coach, Trista Guertin.

Hey, hi, everybody.

Welcome back to This Daring Adventure.

Today, I wanted to share a bit about my new program, Unstuck, with you.

It's my new three month coaching program, and I'm excited to tell you a little bit about it, just so you get an overview and tell you a little bit about the next steps, if you're interested.

As I said, it's called Unstuck. It is a three month coaching program that includes 12 private sessions with me, each 50 minutes long. And I also wanted to give you a bit of the background as to why I created it.

And, when I started coaching, I learned And it gave me not only a completely different way of looking at my life, but for showing up in my life and it helped me to have this perspective that the possibilities existed, that my capacity was unlimited, and that I didn't have to stay the same. And I think we all have this kind of nudge inside of us that, pushes us as human beings to, to evolve and to grow and to do things differently and to try new things.

Otherwise, we wouldn't have evolved as a species. We would have just been still living in the caves, not exploring, not taking adventures, not learning and growing and inventing things.

So we all have this inside of us, but we all respond differently to it, and part of that has to do with the way we grew up, with the way we've been socialized and programmed, and the way our primitive part of our brain operates, because the primitive part of our brain is trying to keep us alive, it's trying to keep us safe.

And it's risk adverse. It doesn't want to change. It doesn't want to try anything new. It doesn't want to learn anything new.

And it certainly doesn't want to expend any energy. So we have this push and pull inside of us.

You want to go out, you want to try new things, you want to do something different, but then you've got this fear and the doubt and the overwhelm. Pulling you back and saying, Oh, that's a little bit risky. It's safer to stay where you are. It's safer to play small and just keep things the same instead of striking out and risking.

Your brain thinks it's doing you a favor and keeping you safe, but in actual fact, it's just holding you back. It is just keeping you playing. small. So that's some of the things that we work on in coaching and I think that's one of the most important things that I learned and that I share with my clients is that you don't have to stay stuck and that you can outgrow a life and that it makes sense that your life doesn't fit you anymore, especially when we reach midlife, our purpose, our situations change, our interests change, and It's okay, it makes sense, it's normal, but it can be really challenging to move forward, to decide what it is we want, and to create it.

So this is what my program is all about.

Now for me, I was in a job, in a relationship, in a situation, and that I was unsure of. That I was not satisfied. I was actually very deeply frustrated and just at my wit's end when I signed up for coaching and it really did help me to think differently, to feel differently, and to show up differently in my life. And this has to do with my mindset. And the way I manage my mind and what I'm thinking, it has to do with how I've learned how to be with my emotions and to allow and to process them and to generate the ones, the emotions that I do want. And then to take aligned action, take massive action, to take bold action, to create goals and to go after what I want.

Now I'm still human. Which means I'm still subject to all of the emotions, negative, positive. I still get frustrated and I still have my moments of doubt and whatnot, but I don't stay stuck in them anymore. And that's the beauty of coaching. You don't have to stay stuck. And I teach you and help you to get unstuck for good, because once you have these tools, you will start to move yourself forward. And once you have a coach, you have that support, someone to walk with you and support you and show you things that you can't see on your own. You cannot read the label from inside the box, or a hairdresser cannot cut their own hair.

You need the help when you're in those, that mindset, when you're in those thought loops and you're thinking the same thoughts that got you to this point. You need some help to change those and you need some help to process those emotions and give you that accountability to take action.

But okay, let's dive in and let me tell you a little bit about my program. I have been working with women who have been feeling stuck. And they're feeling a great deal of overwhelm and fear and frustration. They feel like they're not doing it right. They feel like maybe there's something wrong with them. And there's definitely a very strong internal struggle going on there.

And that's very normal. As I mentioned, it happens, particularly in midlife, but it can happen at any point.

But, it could be because you're just searching for a purpose that you feel like maybe you don't have or that you want to change.

Maybe you're going through a divorce or some sort of breakup.

Maybe you want to switch careers, you want to switch jobs, you want to switch cities.

Maybe it's all of the above sometimes. And that's okay. This is very normal to get stuck and be unsure. And It's a part of our human experience, nothing has gone wrong, but it's just knowing the right tools and skills and getting the right support to move you through that. And we, again, have that push and pull inside of us. And I say, if you're feeling like you're meant for more, it is because you are. We experience the fear and the doubt because we have this push, this nudge inside of us to do more and to challenge ourselves, but our brain will hold us back. And what happens is that we land up spinning in circles because we have the same beliefs, the same habits, the same values, the same thought patterns that we've had for many years. And it's your thinking and those beliefs that got you to where you are today. Not a bad thing, not a good thing, just what it is.

But if you want to make changes, you have to change your thinking. You have to change the way you're feeling and you have to change the action. But the root cause always comes down to what you're thinking. And how is it affecting your emotions, and how is that, in turn, driving your actions?

So We need to have that awareness, and we need to have that clarity. it's your thinking that got you to where you are today. And if you want to change, if you want to move yourself forward, if you want to go after that next big goal, then you have to change your thinking.

You're going to have to feel differently, and you're going to have to show up differently in your life. And that's what coaching does for us.

Basically what happens is we believe all of the thoughts that our brain offers us. And it offers us a lot of thoughts. It's up to 60, 000 thoughts per day.

Most of them are the same from the day before and the day before that. Most of them, they're not true.

They are not helpful. And so when that happens, we need to have that awareness of what's going on. Because we just tend to believe those thoughts that our brain offers us, and they in turn become beliefs, which can be very limiting.

Because again, they're not true. And we base them on things that we've held onto for Decades, something that our mother said to us when we were five, or something that a teacher said to us when we were 12, or an experience that we had, maybe we failed a French class and so we believe that we can't speak French, that we can't learn languages, or that we're always going to have to watch our weight, or money and success is a struggle.

We pick these things up along the way. And we hold on to them and when we believe them, it has an impact on the way we show up. so we really need to be aware of what's going on, otherwise, we will remain trapped in a life that no longer fits us and that we're stuck and not able to change. And that results in a deep sense of dissatisfaction.

Feeling like there, there should be more.

That we're missing out on something. That there is a lack of direction and clarity. We have no idea what we want next or how to find out. We maybe have a fear of wasted time. Worrying, stressing that if we don't act now, we'll just spend another five to ten years in the same place. And I think that's very common that happens.

We become exhausted emotionally because we're overthinking everything.

We're second guessing ourselves and we just feel drained from all the stress that we're putting on and going on in our minds.

There's a loss of confidence. We don't trust ourselves to make the right decisions. There may be some guilt and some shame. There's a lot of messaging, especially to women, about being selfish, for wanting more, when maybe we already have so much, which will keep us from taking action. And then there is the fear of regret, a panic of staying stuck, which is starting to feel worse than the fear of making a change. And this isn't just an inconvenience, this is an identity level crisis that will affect every part of our lives- career, relationships, joy, happiness, and our future.

So this is why we want to solve for this now, because I see some women coming back year after year, not taking the action, not getting the help and the support that they need and remaining in the exact same place. time does pass very quickly.

And if we don't take the action to make the changes that we want, we risk waking up five years from now in the exact same spot. but then we just have even less confidence and energy and excitement for life.

We lose the connection with ourselves. Our relationship with ourselves is one of the most important relationships we will ever have, but we just land up doing what's expected of us instead of what we truly want. And we live a smaller, quieter life convincing ourselves that this is enough when deep down we know it's not.

And then we use Netflix and we use shopping and we use wine and we use drugs and we use whatever it is, food, ice cream, chips, to numb ourselves so that we don't have to feel that feeling and just make it through another Friday night on the couch.

We may be watching other people reinvent themselves or build new careers and find new passions, while we ourselves stay stuck thinking that's not for us, that it's not possible for us, when in fact it is, but we just don't know how to do it. And We can start to feel, especially in midlife, that we've run out of time, that it's too late for ourselves. And so this is why you want to take action and you want to move forward and start to open up the possibility and tap into the capacity that you have to create whatever it is you want. You have someone to show you the way.

And instead of reacting to everything that's going on in your life, or your world, in your mind, you can get a different perspective, you can get that shift, and you start to live a life that is more aligned with what you want, and you become more intentional.

You become more purposeful in a way that you are able to decide what it is you want, go after it, and create it.

You're no longer just overthinking and not taking the action that you want.

The work that I do at UNSTUCK is based on four pillars, I have designed, for each session, something that I will teach you about, a tool, a skill, a concept, that You will be able to use for the rest of your life But it is based on these four pillars that I think are core to not just getting ourselves unstuck But really just living life to the fullest and if that's what you're interested in This is the work that you want to do.

The first pillar is our self concept It has to do with what we're thinking about ourselves, what we believe about ourselves, the story that we tell about ourselves, about our life, about our past, about what's possible for us. It's based on our habits, our values, our beliefs. And it goes unexamined for years, decades. It is things that we picked up when we were children, when we were young adults, as we've gone through life.

Nothing wrong with that per se. But it may no longer be serving us. It may not be helpful.

We start off as children with brains that are still maturing and still becoming more sophisticated, and they just absorb everything around them. And it's trying to make sense of things the best it can and to keep us safe. But, as we get older, as we develop, as we become adults and have greater capacity, greater maturity, greater sophistication to take care of ourselves, we have to examine some of these things and decide whether we want to keep them.

Otherwise, we are just holding on to them and they will hold us back.

So we need to develop new beliefs. We need to tell ourselves a story about what's possible for us and our past that is serving us, that is helpful, that is strengthening. We want to consciously choose our values so that they can help us to make decisions on the actions that we want to take on a daily basis. And we want to develop new habits so that they are helping us to move forward and to achieve our goals.

We really want to examine the story that we're telling about ourselves about what we can do and what we can't do and how hard it is. A lot of these things may be unconscious. And We really want to bring those out and examine them and understand that The more empowering the story that we tell about ourselves and what's possible for us, the better we will be in moving towards that. Because when you're telling a story to yourself about how you've failed, how what's possible is simply based on what you've done before, your brain, you believe that.

And then it keeps you stuck. It will hold you back. Because your brain won't look, You won't try to do anything differently. You won't try anything new. You won't try to do more.

Next, we want to look at our cognitive abilities, which goes back to understanding and having an awareness around what we're thinking and our mindset and why our brain is offering us those thoughts and what we can do about it. Having that awareness, having an understanding of how it impacts us, how it impacts our emotions and how it drives our actions and how important our mindset is.

Again, just like the story that we tell about ourselves, we want to be really clear on what we're thinking and learning how to do some of the daily work to clean that up, to make sure that we have this awareness of what's going on in our minds, whether it's helpful and whether we want to think something new. You need to manage your mind.

Otherwise it will manage you.

Our brain, that primitive part of our brain is like a toddler with a knife, as my coach said. It needs to be supervised. It needs to be managed.

Otherwise it will focus on the negative. It will tell you all of the problems. It will keep you stuck in that fear mode that isn't going to serve you.

So you want to clean that up and then decide intentionally what you want to think. All of those 60, 000 thoughts per day are not helpful. They're not true and we want to clean that up. Then we want to look at our emotions and our emotional resiliency.

The cognitive mastery, looking at the mindset and what we're thinking and the emotions that we feel go together. They are hand in hand and they are just equally as important. We want to learn how to be with our emotions because we're not taught how to do that.

Most of us are either reacting, we're resisting, or we're trying to numb ourselves to not feel the emotions.

We want to be able to experience those emotions knowing that we're safe, knowing that nothing has gone wrong, knowing that they are just a part of our human experience, and that we can move through them, some faster than others. It's not a game, it's not to see how quickly we can get through them, but certainly, the less we resist them, the more we allow them, we facilitate their passing through us. Just experience them.

Because what you resist persists. when we resist these emotions that we're feeling, they do persist. And in fact, they do grow stronger. And the key getting through any experiences to allow those emotions, because everything we do or don't do is based on an emotion that either we want to feel or we're trying to avoid. And if you want to grow, if you want to take yourself to the next level, you want to be able to experience those emotions.

So you're not giving into the fear. You're not giving into the doubt. You're not giving into the overwhelm. You can face disappointment. You can face rejection. You can face anger and get through it to the other side and keep going. We also want to be very clear about how your thoughts are creating these emotions.

We're not taught that. We think we are experiencing emotions based on what's going on in the world, but in fact, it is our interpretation of our circumstances and our thoughts about those circumstances that are creating our emotions. So cognitive mastery, the mindset work, And the emotional resiliency go hand in hand.

We want to learn how to be with those emotions, not be at the effect of them and understand how our emotions are going to drive our actions or inactions. We want to expand our capacity to experience all of the emotions.

And this is what we learn in coaching so that we're not just sitting around watching 10 hours of Netflix, eating pints of ice cream, drinking bottles of wine, shopping online, playing games for hours or whatever it is that has a net negative effect on our lives. We learn how to be with these emotions and then ultimately we learn how to generate those emotions in order to fuel the actions that we want to take.

A lot of my clients come and they are feeling like they, they don't take the actions that they want to take.

Maybe they finally make a decision about what they want, but they can't show up and ultimately take those actions to move themselves forward. This is because of what you're thinking and what you're feeling. And once you get a handle on that and you have the tools and the skills to understand what's going on and then Intentionally create those thoughts and feelings for yourself.

That's when you move yourself forward And then we can learn how to create determination and motivation and excitement and joy for ourselves.

We're not depending on external circumstances. We know that this is something that we create for ourselves. And then the willingness to feel any emotion combined with this conscious decision making are two of the best skills that you can learn because when you decide that you're going to do something big, you're going to change your life, you're going to change careers, you're going to change your jobs, you're going to change your relationship. Something big and amazing. It's going to bring up all of this emotion and you will want to avoid feeling it.

And then you will stay stuck in inaction, you're going to go back to deciding not to do those things again, but if you make a big decision about your life, and you're willing to experience all of that emotion that comes with it, that's when you're going to change.

That's when you're willing to feel the discomfort of change because you don't make it such a big deal.

That's when you create the life you want. That's when you get unstuck and you know how to repeat this process over and over again So that you're never stuck again the third pillar is your relationship with yourself, which, as I mentioned previously, it's the most important relationship you will ever have, and this is the foundation on which we build the lives that we want and become the people that we want to become, and it includes something just like liking yourself.

Have you ever asked yourself that question?

Do you like yourself? I've had clients who have asked that question too, and They've never thought about it before, and when they do think about it, they don't like themselves.

And so this is the starting point, because how are you going to create anything in your life that you truly want if you don't like yourself, if you don't have the self confidence, if you don't have the self love and the self trust?

With all of these, you ultimately learn that you can have your own back, you can take care of yourself, and you will not be looking externally to fill the voids that exist, you're not looking for someone to to value you or appreciate you or support you, you can ask for those things and you may receive them, but they are not the blocks to creating the life that you want and becoming the person that you want to become.

You can evolve, and you can grow, and you can take on new challenges, and you know how to support yourself through the process. And that's when you become unstoppable.

Because the fear, and the doubt, and the overwhelm, and the disappointment will come up when you're going after something new. Now you know how to manage your mind, you know how to be with your emotions, and you'll know how to support and love yourself through it.

You will have that self trust, and this is important because otherwise you will not be able to go to that next level. And why do we want to go to that next level? For me, it comes down to a purpose.

And definitely this is something that we cover in Unstuck, having that purpose to see what's possible for myself and my life. I want to see what I'm capable of. And that's why we're here. That's why we have this opportunity. Let's see what we can do with it.

But If you do not support yourself, then you will not manage your mind, you will not be with your emotions, you will not be intentionally directing your mind and your thoughts to create the emotions you need to take the action, and then when something comes up, you will beat yourself up, you will judge yourself, you'll criticize yourself, and you will not enjoy the process.

And in fact, you will just go back and just convince yourself not to continue. But if you can love yourself through that, then you have all of the power. so the first pillar is self concept. The second pillar is the cognitive mastery and emotional resilience.

The third pillar is your relationship with yourself.

And then the fourth and final pillar is the future self. And the future self is some of the most interesting work we can do because that's where we really clearly define what it is we want and who it is we want to become.

Most of the time people go through life, if you ask them what they want, they don't know. They probably haven't thought about it. They haven't spent any time there. They don't know. And if you don't know what you want, you're certainly not going to create it. And you land up just reacting to your circumstances. You land up reacting to your life. And your life just takes you where it will. And you land up just living the same year after year, the same day after day, without any intentionality, without any direction, without any focus, without any purpose.

Some people are happy with that, and that's okay.

That's their prerogative. But if you want more, then you need to be able to define what it is you want and who it is you want to become. You want to decide intentionally, and then you have the tools and the skills that you've learned in the other pillars to move yourself forward and support yourself through that process.

The future self work keeps you focused. it keeps you setting goals for yourself.

Moving yourself forward, you have a plan, you have a direction, so that when it comes time to take aligned action, you're able to figure out what it is you need to do. You're able to figure out what the steps are. So what we do in Unstuck is that when we find ourselves in a life that no longer fits us, that we are no longer comfortable in, that we are no longer satisfied with, that we know we want more, we want to make significant changes, and we're going through some sort of transition.

This program is designed to help you get that clarity and to give you the tools and skills you need to move yourself forward.

You'll get that clarity around what it is you want. It will develop the calm with the cognitive mastery and the emotional resilience.

You will have that certainty that you can support yourself and have that relationship with yourself and grow and change and have your own back throughout, and you will learn how to develop the confidence that you need and therefore, you will have the tools and skills to take the aligned action, to move yourself forward, without spending years of overthinking or regret. And this process will require you to forget everything you think you know about what you need to do to change your life. But you'll learn this process and I guarantee you will never feel stuck again.

We get to the root cause.

What is our social programming?

What are our values? What are our habits?

What are our limiting beliefs that we have picked up and kept through the years? What is the story that we're telling ourselves that is keeping us stuck? And we'll clean that up.

Your brain is so powerful. It is one of the most powerful tools that we have, but most of us are not aware.

And I'm not a neuroscientist, so I'm not going to pretend to tell you that I'm an expert.

But just having that basic understanding and starting to use it intentionally is everything.

That's when we really start to make significant changes. Because it is our current thinking that got us to where we are now.

And so we want to stop giving in to the fear.

We want to stop doubting ourselves.

We want to start taking that action. We have to change our thinking. Learning these tools and skills will create lasting change.

We're not just addressing the action. Many times people set out to make a change, and they're so focused on the action that they're taking, but they're not aware of what they're thinking, and what they're feeling, and what's going to drive that action or inaction.

This process doesn't take a lot of time, it's not complicated, but it is a process that you need to learn and you need to practice and it is something that you will practice for the rest of your life. Which I think is really exciting and really fun because the possibilities are endless and you will have that support to move you forward.

Coaching literally is one of the best investments you can make in yourself and in your brain and in your future I have been getting coached for the past five years.

I get coached regularly. I plan to get coached for the rest of my life because I know that having this support is key to creating the life I want. Just because you have a human brain, and as long as you have a human brain, crappy thoughts are going to come up.

Situations will happen.

But you don't have to be at the effect of all of those.

You don't have to believe those thoughts. And the better support you have and the better tools and skills that you have to think intentionally, to have that awareness and think intentionally, the better off you will be.

So if you're feeling like your life has plateaued, if you're feeling like you're stuck in overthinking, you're unable to make decisions, you're unable to take the actions that you say you want to take.

If you're feeling disconnected from yourself and from your life. And if you're struggling with your confidence and constantly doubting yourself, this is the work you want to do. This is where you want to be.

And this is why I created Unstuck.

You are not alone.

This is part of our human experience.

What is happening to you is perfectly normal. There's nothing wrong with you.

You're 100 percent worthy. You can do this. You can make the changes that you want.

You just need the right support. you can start to live your life more intentionally and create whatever it is you want.

Unstuck, three months, 12 sessions, private one to one sessions with me on a weekly basis to learn these pivotal, important, amazing tools and skills that you want to create the life, ultimately, that is inside of you.

Becoming that person that is inside of you that you know you want to be.

We're going to uncover what's keeping you stuck. Create your purpose and your vision for your life and then start taking aligned, empowered, bold action.

We're going to look at your thoughts, your beliefs, the patterns that are holding you back. And we're going to start to shift your focus from what's missing to what is possible.

To what you think your ability is, to what your capacity ultimately is. The possibilities are endless.

And we're going to teach you how to start to think about what it is you want, create that powerful vision that excites you and brings you energy and joy, and move you forward with purpose.

It's a lot of fun. It's very powerful work.

If you're interested in learning more, you can head over to my website.

The link will be in the show notes. and when you're ready, I invite you to sign up for a free 50 minute private coaching session with me to try coaching for yourself.

Learn about the program and by the end of the call you'll have clarity on why you're stuck and what to do next and how to stop waiting and take bold action.

Let's talk about where you are and what you might want for yourself. These sessions are fun.

They're informal.

They don't require you to prepare anything in advance and it's just an opportunity to take this work and to learn more about it. Alright, so that's what I have for you today.

Thank you so much for listening.

Thank you for being here. I am so excited to share this work with you.

Head over to the show notes, take a look at the website, sign up for a free coaching session, and let's talk.

This work is life changing, I promise you.

So take the time, invest in yourself, and Let's see what's possible. Remember, you don't have to stay stuck.

And if you're feeling like you're meant for more, it's because you are. All right, I'll see you in the coaching session.

Bye.

Thank you for listening to this daring adventure podcast with your host Trista Guertin.

We hope you enjoyed the tips and conversations on how to get excited about life again.

As always, you can head to tristaguertin.com for additional resources and to book a one on one coaching session.

You can also follow Trista on Instagram at tristavguertin.

Don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review us on Apple Podcasts.

Thanks again for tuning in and we'll see you next time.