How to handle criticism

Have you ever felt that someone close to you, maybe a spouse or parent, sibling, even a good friend, is constantly criticizing you? Then this episode is for you. Here's the thing, when people we love are critical of us, it hurts in a way that is different than when it comes from a stranger. It's one thing if some random person on the internet says something about you. You can usually roll your eyes, brush it off, and move on. But when it's someone in your home, in your daily life, someone that you care deeply about, that's hard. And the question that comes up over and over again is how do I stay confident? How do I keep loving myself when the person I love is making me feel like I'm not enough? And that's exactly what we're going to talk about today. I want to help you separate What's true from what's just someone else's opinion, and how to protect your energy, and most importantly, how to be your own biggest supporter, no matter what anybody else says. So let's dive in. A while ago, a client came to me with something that's really stuck with me. She told me that her, her husband often makes little comments about her body, saying things like, I wish you were a little bit skinnier. Now, let me be clear. This woman is in great shape. She's a beautiful woman. She takes care of herself. She feels healthy, and she's comfortable in her own skin. But no matter how good she feels, these little comments from her husband cut deep. And it's not just about her weight, of course, he criticizes her in other ways too. The way she loads the dishwasher, the way she dresses, the way she spends money. It feels like no matter what she does, there's always something she could be doing better. She said to me, I don't know how to keep loving myself when the person I love the most is making me feel like I'm not good enough. And I know that a lot of people can relate to this. Maybe it's a partner, like in this case. Or maybe it's a parent who always has something to do or say about your choices. Maybe it's a friend who disguises criticism as just being honest or trying to help. So the first thing I asked my client was, Do you believe what he's saying is true? She hesitated. And then she said, No, I know I take care of myself. I know I feel good in my body. But when he says those things, it makes me start to question myself. And that's where we started doing the real work. This is what I told her. You get to decide that he is wrong about you. Let that sink in for a minute. Okay. Not every opinion someone has about you is an objective fact. If it were, every single person in the world would have to agree. But they don't. One person will look at you and think you look great. Another person thinks you should lose some weight. Another person thinks you're too skinny. Another person likes what you're wearing. While another one will be completely hating it. Who's right? No one except for you. His words aren't facts. They are his opinions, his interpretation. And those opinions come from a mix of things. His own upbringing, his own insecurities, his mood that day, the messages society has fed him about what women should look like, and his own relationship with himself. And guess what? None of those things have anything to do with you. So here's the shift. You can just let them be wrong about you. Not everybody in your life is going to see you clearly. And that's okay. You don't have to correct them. You don't have to convince them. You just have to know who you are so deeply that their words can't shake you. And if you want to set a boundary, you absolutely can. You can say, Hey, I don't need your opinions on my body. Please keep them to yourself. You don't have to say it with anger. You don't have to justify it. You don't have to explain it. Just set the boundary and be ready to stand by it. Which means you have to act on it. So if he says something about your body, you decide you're going to leave the room. You decide you're not going to participate. You decide what your boundary is and you be the one who's ready to act on it. You can decide you're just not going to engage in that conversation and you'll leave the room. Now here's the biggest piece of all this. A lot of us wait for other people to validate us before we allow ourselves to feel good about who we are. But the most important voice in your life is yours. And if you let other people's opinions dictate how you feel about yourself, you will never feel secure because opinions are always changing. Everyone will have a different opinion on a different day. One day somebody might praise you. The next day they might criticize you. If your self worth is tied to their words, you'll be on an emotional rollercoaster forever. So, instead, what I want you to do is know your own truth. Write down five things that you know are true about yourself. Things that no one else can take away from you. Examples might be, I am strong. I am kind. I take care of my body. I am enough exactly as I am. I deserve love and respect. And keep these as your anchors. Remind yourself of them whenever you need them. Then, you want to separate their words from reality. The next time someone criticizes you, pause and ask yourself, Is this a fact or is this just your opinion, their opinion? It's probably just their opinion. So you don't have to accept it. You don't have to believe it. You don't have to take it on. Finally, you want to always speak with your, to yourself with love. Pay attention to how you talk to yourself. If you wouldn't say it to a friend, don't say it to yourself. Choose words that lift you up, not tear you down. Because here's the thing. Being human is hard. None of us will get it perfect. And that means we all deserve more compassion. Especially from ourselves. If you take one thing away from today's episode, let it be this. You do not have to accept someone else's opinion or version of you. You don't have to carry their judgments as truth. You don't have to shrink yourself down to fit their expectations. You just have to decide, I know who I am, and I will not let someone else's words make me forget that. So my challenge to you this week, pay attention to when you start believing someone else's negative words about you. Pause and take a breath. Remind yourself, they don't get to decide who I am. I do. I hope that helps. Remember, be aware of how you speak to yourself. Practice loving yourself. Practice being kind to yourself. Practice speaking to yourself as you want to be spoken to.