How to make life changing decisions

Hey everybody, welcome to this mini episode of This Daring Adventure. And today I wanted to talk about a client session that I had a few weeks ago. And it focuses mainly on her work and her career and making decisions about staying in her job or becoming a consultant. But the important thing I think that you can take away from this is making decisions about making changes. And whether it's changing jobs changing relationships, changing places where you live, whatever it is, it's understanding how you make those decisions, whether you want to stay or go or make those changes or not. And Really the mindset that you want to be in when you make those decisions so that you are in a place where You're empowered, it's an opportunity, and that you really clean up some of your thinking beforehand, Instead of dragging a lot of the issues in the past and the baggage with you to whatever it is you change if you decide to change. All right, so hopefully that's clear. But let's dive in and I'll tell you what happened Basically, my client had spent a decade working at a top international company. she was an internal consultant and is quite ambitious, quite interested in climbing a corporate ladder and making it all the way to the top, and it seemed to be going well for her. But then something happened and she had witnessed some harassment in the workplace and then eventually she became a victim of this harassment herself. happened was that the company didn't take meaningful action and left her feeling very undervalued discouraged, and basically stuck. her motivation started to drop, and she felt like she was stalling out in terms of her career, and she was wondering what to do next. She wasn't sure whether she should fight for some kind of justice and compensation, or whether she should move on and try to build something new for herself, in particular becoming a consultant and starting her own business. And, This is where so many of us actually get stuck because we feel torn between staying in an environment situation that is draining us or taking the leap into the unknown. And of course, if you've listened to any of my other podcasts before, you may know our brain It likes what it knows, and there will be a lot of discomfort, but it will choose that discomfort and that pain and those challenges that it knows over something new. so I wanted to talk through this a little bit and how you go about making these decisions and not just getting stuck listening to your primitive part of your brain. first, let's take a step back and really look at the options you may be considering. So for this client, one option was trying to negotiate a severance package. She wanted the company to acknowledge the damage that had been done to her career. The other option was to leave and pursue something that she had been thinking about for a while, like starting her own consulting business. Now, as we talked about when she was thinking about these choices, which one felt more aligned with her values and her long term goals. I encouraged her and I gave her some feedback to really listen to the way she was talking about them. And it seemed clear to me that the answer was already there. She already knew what she wanted to do. so I'm not a career coach and I'm not a lawyer, but I know that, if you're chasing compensation for a bad work experience, even if you get the package, if you get what you want, it might not bring the closure or satisfaction that you're hoping for, and I told her money cannot fully repair the emotional damage or rewrite the story of what's happened. It's worth exploring as an option for sure, absolutely, it's not going to heal and solve for what you've been through, and so it can be disappointing. A lot of that work, it's that because that's an external circumstance, basically. And what you need to do is the internal work in your mind and healing your emotions and doing the thought work around what's happened to come to some sort of peace and reconciliation. But of course, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't look for those from the company as well, but whether you get that or not, you still have the ability to create that peace for yourself internally. Now, I also discussed with my client the idea of leaving. To start fresh, starting her own consulting business or a new career. And that can feel like, standing on a cliff, deciding whether to jump or not. It's exciting, but it's also quite terrifying because It's the unknown and your brain really doesn't like the unknown. You have to do a lot of thought work around the process and what you're thinking and why you want it. And one of the things I had her ask is, why do you want to leave? And if you are thinking about this question, if you're thinking about why do I want to leave, whether it's a relationship or a job or a house or a city, whatever it is, if the answer is This drains my energy, or it's too hard to just wake up and keep going every day, doing the same thing every day. I want you to pause. Those are signals that there might be some inner work to do. You need to look at what you're thinking, because there's no job, no environment, no relationship, no external situation that has the power to drain your energy or motivation unless you allow it. And the work here is reclaiming your power. When you're in a challenging environment, it's really easy to fall into the trap of blaming the situation for how you feel. All done it. It's very normal. It's just the way that we think it's your brain's default setting. But the truth is, your energy, your attitude, your motivation, those are all internal. They're yours. And as long as you're letting the situation dictate how you feel, you're giving away your power. And you will just go from job to job, relationship to relationship, house to house, city to city, whatever it is, looking for that validation, for that satisfaction, for that happiness, for that peace, externally instead of inside you. And you will never ever get it. It will not be sustainable. So this is why I always recommend making decisions from a place of empowerment. If it's a job, let's say you imagine staying in your job and deciding, I can be happy here if I choose to be. You have that power. So you can imagine finding ways to shine in that environment, even if it's imperfect. And frankly, every situation is going to be imperfect. Some will be better than others. Some will be better suited to you than others. But the truth is none of it's going to be perfect and doing that work, getting to that place to decide to be happy, no matter what, helps you to reclaim your sense of agency. It helps you to reclaim your power. And then from that place, once you've done that work, that's the time you can ask yourself if you want to leave, if you're ready to make that change, not because you feel defeated or drained, but because you're ready for the next challenge. And that's a decision made from strength. From power. And that's what you can control. So let's also talk about the story that you're telling yourself. Right now, for my client, she was telling herself the story that sounded like, I lost the game, I was harassed, I wasn't promoted, I'm undervalued. and that's a pretty painful narrative. And it's understandable. But here's the thing. You get to rewrite that story. You get to tell yourself any story that you want. And what we worked through was, instead, the story could be, I faced challenges, but I found my strength, and I learned to stand up for myself, I grew resilient, and I took charge of my future. That was a story that made her the hero, not the victim. And from a place of being the hero of your story, you make completely different decisions. You're empowered, you're acting from a place of confidence, not fear. You're not the victim. Think about this. What's next? If you're thinking about leaving, if you're thinking about making a change, whatever it is in your life, ask yourself, can I make this decision from a place of empowerment? Can I leave not because I feel bad, but because I'm excited for what's ahead? And if you're thinking about staying, ask yourself, how can I reclaim my power in this situation? How can I do that? thrive even here? How do I want to show up? How do I want to think about this? Ultimately, this isn't about the company or any circumstance. It was about my client. It was about her growth, her resilience, and her ability to create a life that aligns with her values. So regardless of whether she stays or she goes, the most important thing that she can do for herself is to do it from a place of strength. All right, that's what I have for you today. Thank you so much for joining me for this mini episode. If you're interested in learning more about this topic, if you want to talk through one of your decisions, I offer possibility calls. This is 50 minutes one to one with me. I will put the link to my calendar in the show notes. Sign up. Let's talk. I can help you walk you through any decision that you need to make in your life from a place of empowerment and strength. Thanks everybody. Talk to you soon. Bye bye.