How to overcome thinking that is holding you back

Hey everybody, so this is for you if you left a job or a relationship, maybe a few months ago or a few years ago, and you can't stop thinking about it. You're not working there anymore. Maybe you're not in that relationship anymore. In your mind, you're still having the same conversations, still trying to make sense of how it ended, still feeling hurt, maybe angry or maybe a little ashamed, and honestly, you're exhausted. You keep saying, I want to move on, but your brain keeps dragging you back. So today I want to walk you through five simple but powerful steps to help you stop ruminating. Let's end those thought loops and get you moving forward. Alright, so let's go First is awareness. Awareness is always the first step. You have to see what's going on in your brain. You have to get that clarity because you cannot change what you're not willing to look at. So I want you to get a piece of paper or open up the notes app and write it all out. Every thought you have about that job, this is called a thought download. You want to write, don't edit yourself, don't censor yourself. Just write about how it ended. Why you left. What you're still carrying. Don't worry. If you don't want anybody to see this, you can always tear it up, throw it out, burn it, whatever you wanna do after this exercise. Now that you've written out your story, you want to go back through it and ask, what is a fact here? It has to be something that you could prove in a court of law. So identify what's a fact, and then you wanna take a look at what's my brain's interpretation? What's the drama that I'm adding? For instance, they treated me unfairly is not a fact. I had three meetings where I disagreed with my manager is a fact. This is the beginning of emotional freedom because you take back your power the moment you separate facts from your brain's drama. Our brain loves to add drama, but it's not helpful. It acts as a warning system. It's trying to protect us. It's looking for problems defaulting to the negative, but it's not helpful and we get really sucked into all of that drama. So, once you've now written it all out, step two is to look for the most frequent thought. What's the one that stands out to you the most? Maybe it's, I shouldn't have left, or I was misunderstood. Maybe it's I failed. Or it could be they didn't appreciate me. Then ask yourself, how do I feel when I think that thought? You want to pick one emotion. One word, just what's the feeling in your body? And here's the most important part. You want to validate it. You make sense. So you want to be able to think. Of course, I feel hurt. Of course, I feel anxious. Of course, I feel shame. Of course I'm angry. You make sense. There is no right or wrong, good or bad. You can feel however you want to feel. It's part of your experience. But what we're trying to distill now is what's going to help you move forward. So pick one emotion that you feel in your body when you're thinking that thought. There's nothing wrong with how you feel, what you feel. You're a human with a human brain. This is what we do. It's all a part of our experience, but just because it makes sense doesn't mean we want to make it permanent, and it doesn't mean that it's helpful going forward. So step three is to release. We want to process the emotion. Now, this is not a rush to feel better, but we release what's been stuck, the emotions that we have been resisting or reacting to, or numbing and buffering against or have persisted. And in some cases, because we have resisted it, it grows stronger. So now you want to take a few minutes. Get comfortable. Find a quiet space and close your eyes. Name the feeling. Drop into your body and name what you are feeling. Name the emotion. Is it shame? Is it grief? Is it guilt? Is it anger? Whatever it is, it's okay, but try and tap into what exactly you are feeling. Notice where it is in your body. Then it could be in your chest, your stomach. Your back, your head, your neck. There's no right or wrong answer here either. Just try to drop into your body and listen to it, feel what's going on where this is. Then you want to tap into what's going on with that. So let's say you're feeling anxious and it's in your chest. Alright, so still with your eyes closed, still sitting quietly. is it heavy? Is it moving? Is it light? Is it dark? Is it red? Is it tight? Is it hot? Is it cold? What's the sensation surrounding it? What's doing? Tap into it. Focus on that, and just breathe into it. Take your time. This emotion is a vibration in your body. That's it. It's not going to harm you. You need to just let it be. Breathe into it. You don't need to think about it, you just focus on it. If your mind wanders off, that's okay. Just gently bring it back. You don't need to analyze it. You don't need to push it away. You just need to feel it. Allow yourself this space and this time, and remind yourself to be patient. Most emotions only take 90 seconds to move through us when we allow them, but so often we are reacting against them. We're resisting them. We are numbing and buffering, trying not to feel them, and that's why they persist for such a long time. But let's let it be there. Let it move through you, and that's how we stop being afraid of our feelings and we release them. We can get good at feeling them. The fourth step is to refocus. What do you want to think now? Now that we've cleared a little bit of space, we've given it some room, we've we're feeling a little bit better, maybe we've unwound some of that emotion and let it go. Then we want to decide what we want to think and believe on purpose. If you try to do this process and change your thinking before you process that emotion. It's very difficult to make those new thoughts stick and to hold onto them and actually have them feel better. If you're in the old emotion, it's very difficult to move forward. So here you wanna ask yourself what thought would just feel a little bit better than the one I've been thinking. Just a little bit better. Play with it. See what it feels like, and you want to see how it feels in your body. It should resonate a little bit. Now we're not going to rainbows and daisies. It doesn't need to be. The world is perfect and everything's gonna be great. That's not helpful. No rainbows, no unicorns. Just a little bit more useful, a little more grounded. Make sure it resonates in your body. You can try these on. I left because it was the right decision at the time. That experience taught me something about myself. I can love who I was then and still grow into who I want to be. Now come up with your own, use parts of those if you want. Have self-compassion and love for yourself and try to find something that feels just a little bit better. You want to pick one thought that feels honest and helpful, and that's your new anchor. Step five now is you're gonna reinforce this and practice the new thought. Your brain has rehearsed the old story over and over again. It's a very well worn neural pathway in your brain, and it's very easy for your brain to just automatically be thinking this day after day, time after time, over and over and over again. But we're going to start to rewire. We're gonna start to refocus it. Even though your brain has rehearsed that old story over and over again, it's time to rehearse the new one. So every time that old thought shows up, let's say it's, I shouldn't have left, they did me wrong. You gently redirect it to what you want to think to your new thought. Don't judge yourself. Don't resist. You just say, you know what, we're not thinking that thought anymore. We're practicing something new, and you can even put your new thought on a sticky note or on your phone or your laptop or the bathroom mirror. Just write it out at the top of your journal every day, which is really helpful. Get out and practice it, get ahead of it, and give your brain something to focus on because we don't believe new things because they're true. We believe them because we practice them. That's what a belief is. It's just a thought You've thought over and over and over again. Until you just, it just feels true to you because you've thought it so many times, but now you get to decide what story you carry forward. What's going to be helpful. It's going to be empowering. So moving on from something painful, isn't just about pretending it didn't happen or waiting for time to pass before you know your wounds are healed. It's about processing it with love, having self-compassion for yourself, and then deciding, I'm ready to stop living in the past. I'm ready to create what's next. You wanna get clear on what you're thinking. You want to get clear on what you're feeling and. Get clear about what's really happening here. What are the facts? What's the story that you're adding? Process the emotion and then intentionally choose what you want to think and what you wanna focus on going forward. It's about deciding that you're ready to stop living in the past. You're ready to move forward and create what's next, and that's where it's going to be more helpful. You're going to spend your time and your energy and your resources on who you wanna become and what you wanna create instead of just being stuck in the past. You're not broken, you're not behind. There's nothing wrong with you, and nothing has gone wrong here. You're just a person with a super powerful brain and now you have a process to help you move on. Whether it is a job loss or a relationship that's ended, whatever it is, use this process to help you get moving forward. Again, if this resonated with you, if you found it helpful, please like and share and subscribe. Let me know what your old thought is that you're letting go of and what's the new one that you're choosing. And if you want help with this, you're invited to sign up for a discovery call with me. Let's talk about what's going on with you, and I can tell you how I might be able to help. I have an amazing new group coaching program starting May 1st. The link to sign up will be in the show notes if you wanna find out more about it or else, as I said schedule your discovery call with me and let's talk one-on-one about what's going on with you and maybe one-to-one coaching is a good fit. Remember, you don't have to stay stuck. You're allowed to move forward, and it all starts with how you think.