Inside a coaching transformation: Tiffany's story

Welcome to This Daring Adventure podcast, where we work on bridging the gap between where we are and where we want to be in order to live a bigger and bolder life. In this podcast, we will provide inspiration, tips, and skills you need to make your life the adventure you want it to be. Here's your host, mindset mentor and life coach, Trista G

Hi, everybody. Welcome back to This Daring Adventure podcast. Today I have another special guest. I have Tiffany, who is a long time client of mine. She is actually the client I've been working with the longest it's been, I think over two years. And so I'm very honored to have Tiffany on as a guest today to talk about her experience with Working with me and with coaching overall. And she is a web designer. She is in her mid forties English and living on a beautiful little Spanish island. She is living the island life that we all want to live. Welcome, Tiffany. Thank you so much for joining me today. Thank you for asking me to. I feel honoured. Yeah. So, is there anything else you want to add? Give background to who you are. I know, you're, you're web designer. You've been doing beautiful work, some previously, some social media management, right? And all the work that you do online.

So my background was working in the media, doing sales and marketing and PR. I worked for the BBC actually for a number of years in England. and I went there after working in commercial radio. And I was married and living in a pretty little village and what should have been a picture perfect life, but actually wasn't. and I went traveling, I went around the world and went into the jungle with orangutans and all sorts. And then when I got back, I was like, man, I cannot do this corporate life anymore. So I started working for myself. Yeah, a lot has changed before, during the coaching with you. My life is very different now. I'm living alone on the Spanish island and I'm now divorced and yeah, my business continued to grow and morph and I wasn't quite sure what I was doing for a lot of the time, but it's naturally taken me to where I am now. So it's quite nice. Actually, we're talking at a time where my life has shifted somewhat, hasn't it? It's all kind of happened recently. Yeah. And you've, you've seen it all.

I've been honored to be a part of the journey, at least to be with you and support you throughout. So maybe you can tell us just a little bit about why you initially Sought out coaching and what were you looking for?

Yeah, so I was feeling very stuck and I think actually something popped up on an Instagram where I went through, a little thing to look free or freebie of how to get unstuck. And I think I was in a place where I'd lost a lot of confidence. My marriage had struggled for a long time and it had made me feel bad about myself. I've got a chronic pain condition that I've lived with for a long time and it's restricted my life, and you know, lots of things have culminated in me feeling very stuck, not feeling like me, not feeling the confident person that I used to be where I would drop and do anything, whenever I wanted. And I'd had therapy. And that had helped me understand myself. It hadn't changed anything. So I knew why I was triggered by certain things. I understood my childhood and all of that. It didn't actually shift anything or help me change my life. So I was stuck to be honest for several years really. I'd probably been feeling really stuck for about three, four years when I met you. I became amazing at denial in that time, as you know, and fighting painful feelings to avoid feeling them because I thought that was the best way forward to be strong. but I just, I knew I needed something more. I needed something less neutral. I needed to be shown a way of getting out of these circles I was stuck in. Maybe I needed a bit of a cheerleader, somebody to sort of guide me a bit more because therapy doesn't really do that.

Right.

So yes, I resonated a lot with you and your profile when I saw it and I think that's why I reached out to you for a trial session, but yeah, two years ago. But I was, I remember I was very fearful, very fearful about everything at the time. Remember I couldn't even open emails. You had to coach me to open email. Because of the story, I told myself about what it might say and I laugh now, but it was real.

Yeah, it is. And I had, a session with another client the other day and at the end she just mentioned, I was fearful about opening emails and I'm like, yes, I know that fear. Like it's very normal. And she was like, thank you for saying that. I'm like, yeah, look, this happens to all of us. It is very normal.

But I was really hating on myself for being that way. I didn't realize, I know I'm self critical or I was self critical and hard on myself, but I didn't realize how much I was beating myself up until I started working with you because you really did show me that I was being unfair to myself and I wasn't loving myself and I was knocking my own confidence. It wasn't just being in a marriage where I was sort of Really, probably emotionally abused at times, but I was doing a lot to myself, but you know, you're not aware of these things a lot of the time. That's right. Yes.

You can't read the label from inside the bottle. Right? Yes. Yes. And so I think that's been part of our conversations is just being able to show you some of these thought patterns that are just on repeat day after day after day that you're completely unconscious and unaware of the impact that they're having. They just feel so normal and so usual that you don't even think twice about them, really.

No, and I think you've sat alongside me sort of giving me support to do things as well. So not only do you shine a light on What I'm actually thinking about myself, the impact that that has, how it travels through everything, your work, your personal life. I had horrific relationships because of the way I was thinking about myself, because I wasn't, I wasn't waiting for having the boundaries to have the type of people that I deserve to have in my life because my confidence was so low. And it's quite a cliche thing to sort of say or things that you see quite often in other people, you don't always realize that you're doing it to yourself. So I think, yeah, my thought patterns at one time were just terrible, really. and also my reaction to things, you know, we laugh about a woman said words, reactions I may have to a message from family or, Yeah, just many different things that have all added up to actually coaching really changing my life. I mean, it really has Trista.

Great. Well, I'm really glad to hear that. And I think, you owe that in large part to yourself because you really have shown up, you've done the work week after week, month after month, you show up, you've, really thought about what's going on and what you're thinking and I think the biggest shift I've seen is, your relationship with your emotions. Yeah. Oh, yes. Which has been a bit of a push and pull and it hasn't been very straightforward, but I think, the work that we've done and just, I want to say, getting in touch with your emotions and just really understanding that relationship between what you're thinking and what you're feeling and the impact that it has and the importance of allowing the emotions and processing the emotions.

Because that was a big part of why I was so stuck. I had no idea. I knew I was good at denial and I knew I felt fearful and anxious about the future and I'd lost trust in making decisions because I thought I'd made some bad ones in the past. Didn't want to make the same mistake again. But you showed me and you gradually coaxed me into feeling uncomfortable feelings and I realized I wasn't going to die. People I was not going to break and not cope. People wouldn't hate me. yeah. And it's still a work in progress. I, you know, but I know, I know what to do now when I start to get that denial feeling, that fear feeling, I can recognize what's going on and think, right, hang on a minute. And I do often think what would Trista to say. What would Trista tell you to do? yeah, so that fear, actually, it's the opposite. If I feel those feelings, it takes the pressure off. The stress goes away. I'm not fighting them as well as dealing with the problem. You know, but I couldn't see that at the time before.

It's almost like there's that extra layer of suffering, right, like you have the situation, you have your thoughts and feelings about it, but then you add that extra layer of suffering on top of it, which can just be eliminated and then you deal with the actual issue.

I think I would say overall, I feel more brave now after the time we've worked together because some of it I'm aware of, I'm sure some of the things you do with me, I'm not aware of when you're coaching me, but, it's that thing of building trust where you experience it a little bit and you're okay. So then you can experience it a bit more and a bit more and a bit more. So when I feel fear now, I'm not as scared of the fear, if that makes sense. Yeah. And then I go, right. Okay. Well, let's just deal with it because I know I'm going to be better for dealing with it afterwards, even if it is a bit uncomfortable at the time.

Right. Yeah. Cause I don't think I'm not running away here. Yeah, no. Right. and that's really the key to building that bigger life and going after all those big goals because you have, you have some goals you have, you're building up this business you're doing, you've got lots of things that you want to accomplish.

Yeah. And I think when I was first working with you, none of that seemed possible. And yes, okay. I have limitations with my body. You know, I have problems with my spine. It gives me pain all the time. I can't necessarily do everything I want to do. I have to pace myself a lot, which is frustrating, but that had somehow in my mind made things seem impossible. And you've really challenged me on that. And the combination of you challenging me and Asking me to look at things from a different angle and making me see the reality and see that I tell myself these stories that we don't know are true. That, in combination with you helping me rebuild my confidence, when you put those two things together, all of a sudden Life feels more exciting, goals seem possible, I feel more strong, and then I go, Oh, I feel like me again. I'm me, but I'm like the new version of me. You know, I'm wiser and stronger, and I know how better to cope with the challenges that I personally have all the time. and I've come through a horrible divorce in one piece. And I'm at peace with it because that was another thing we, we talked about that a lot. Didn't we? and I think when you've been in a relationship for half of your life, that's a massive change, let alone moving abroad on your own with no friends or family. And I couldn't even recognize that that was a brave thing to do when I first met you. I just thought I'd run away. I saw myself as a coward. Actually, no, I was brave. I stuck up for what was going to make my life better. But I was viewing it so negatively, seeing that as me running away. When you sort of said, you ever thought you might be brave for doing that? I was like, never even entered my mind.

Yeah. And I know we also had, some discussions about, well, two things I think that struck me is, trying to get back to who you were before, right? And just this idea that You know what? you can't do that. that's not even possible. And that's a good thing. you are on the road, like you're changing, you're growing, you're evolving. And you also can't slide backwards. Like there's, sort of the idea you want to get back to the way you were and the fear that you'll slide back to the way you were, right? Yes. I

remember that. Yeah. I was like, Oh, what if I go like I would before? And you went. But you won't. Yeah. And you were just so sure about that. I looked at you and I thought, no, I won't. Why am I even thinking that you're being stupid? But you've had a lot of belief in me. So thank you for that. I've really felt that in our sessions and that's helped me reinstall the belief in myself that I used to have. it's been very healing actually. And I didn't expect that. I thought coaching was going to be right. This is your goal. Do this next week and then you'll do this and then you'll do this and then you'll have your goals. Right. But I mean, we've covered everything from childhood to illness, to grief, to identity, change, perfectionism, which was something I know I was. I'm going to say was in the past horrendous with, there's still some of it there. and self acceptance, isn't it? I think not fighting who you are internally.

Well, kudos to you because you really have made this investment of your time and your energy and your money over the past couple of years. Because to me, really, if I had one wish for everybody is to have that chunk of time to do this work. Frankly, I think, and I know for myself, I will get coached for the rest of my life. Yeah. I think it really is so important to continue to do that work.

Mm.

And it's not about just having problems, right? It's not about just solving issues. It's about who do you want to become? What do you want, what do you want to achieve? How are you growing? How are you evolving? But, I just think it's so nice because you just, you've given yourself that space and you've given yourself that time and you've made that investment. And I really see your journey over the past couple of years, you've really put in the work and the effort and I really do wish that people would do that. Everybody would do that.

Yeah. And there have been moments where I've got frustrated with myself, haven't I? I've become impatient with myself. Why can't I just fix myself now? And that's been another learning from it at that you have to accept that this is your journey and it will take you where it's meant to take you but I remember as well when I first started working with you, I felt like I needed to have this purpose, this big purpose and goal so that, and that would just fix everything. If I can work out what it is I'm meant to do with my life. That will just fix everything. And I remember one session that was really poignant for me where you said to me was something like, that your purpose is a moving it's a moving thing. You don't have to have this clear, precise plan. It's a moving target. I think it was you said your purpose can be a moving target. Your goals are a moving target. You don't have to have it all worked out now. And I was like, Oh yeah, it just took like a massive weight off my shoulders where it's like, okay. Not everybody has all of this, figured out. It's normalizing things, isn't it? I think. It's very helpful.

Yes, understanding that you are completely normal. You're not doing anything wrong. There's nothing wrong with you. Yes. this is, welcome to your human life. Like this is what it is. Yes. Yeah,

and understanding how our brains work as well because it's fact and to me, that's what I love about coaching and the way that in particular you work, because I do have some psychology training from years back and It's an absolute fact that your thoughts affect your feelings and your behaviors. You just can't argue with it. But that doesn't mean you're aware of it all the time and you're aware of what stories you're telling yourself and that path you're going down. and so many times you've stopped me in my tracks of spiraling. And if I had been back to being on my own, I would have been in another cycle of going round and round and round for another six months. And, you know, and in half an hour, you've stopped that happening. yeah, I think some of the change happens quite quick. I can remember some of it feeling better about myself happening quite fast. And then other changes, more long lasting changes have taken more time, more investment of time, more work, more journaling, more reminding myself, challenging myself.

Yeah.

Very interesting journey, really.

Mm. Okay. Well, you've done really well. So are there changes you've experienced that you thought would never ever be possible Hmm.

Yes, I think the way my illness affected my life at one time, it was quite severe and okay, it's not as severe now, but I had so much anger and grief in me about how my body used to be. And I think the way you phrase it is that, you know, you have a thought, a way you think it should be. And therefore, because it's different, you have that internal fight. I know it took some work to get me through that point of letting go of who I thought I should, was in the past, who I should be now, what I should be able to do, which frees up that energy to use for positive things. And yeah, I mean, I could get quite emotional about it really if I let myself is the fact that life reopened back up for me, things seemed possible again, and that just emanates through everything now. And so now when I'm having a bad day physically, or if there's an idea I have for something that really I would like to be able to do. And I get that thought of, oh, I can't do that. Okay, maybe I can't do it in exactly that way, but I know for damn sure there's another way I can. Because I've got that belief back in myself.

Right. And my impression, tell me if I'm wrong, but over time I've seen you shift away from the illness defining who you were and everything about your life. And now, it comes, of course it comes up, but it's, it doesn't seem as. It's intense and heavy on you as it was before.

I felt like my illness had completely changed my identity. I felt like I'd lost who I was completely. And yes, I don't feel like that anymore. I feel stronger because of my illness, which that's a big thing to say, actually. I wouldn't say I'm glad I have it. You

don't need to go that

far. We don't need to go there. But Yeah, I think that's been, I didn't think that was possible because I'd had therapy and nothing had changed, you know, with the way I looked at myself. And, I said to you, I think that in the first six months that we worked together, that changed way more than like three years of therapy ever had. Wow. So it is. It is quite life changing. Mind changing and therefore life changing. Mm hmm.

So now what excites you most about your future?

It seems possible and it seems open and it feels like it can be magical despite anything else that I've got to deal with. It just feels possible, Trista. It didn't feel possible before. I was so bogged down with everything and so stuck, like in concrete. I felt like I was up to my waist in concrete, maybe even my neck sometimes. And now I'm flying above it, you know? And I don't think I'd ever get stuck in that place again because I know how not to be. So, and if anything, you've encouraged me to go after more than what I've been dreaming of. I was arguing with you the other way, Oh no, that goal seems very big. I would never have done that two years ago, never, wouldn't have even set that goal for myself.

Yes. And I think that's really the beauty of coaching. I was having a conversation with a client yesterday, we were talking about her money goal for this year. And I was like, yeah, that's a good start. And then, Next year we're going to double that, but yes, for this year, very good, fine, and that's good, yes. I think that is really the beauty of coaching, is thinking so much bigger and bolder and just stepping into those possibilities that we just never imagined were there for

us. Yeah, I think it makes you not fearless, but not far off it, actually, because when you do have that belief in yourself, what have you got to worry about, really? If you truly believe that, what's the word we've been using? You're capable. Yes. And you found that word for me. I couldn't find it. Oh, it's not right. Not right. Capable. That actually has been a huge. mindset shift as well. If I truly believe I'm capable of anything that I want to do or deal with anything that comes up, what have you got to worry about?

Right. You're taking care of yourself. I think that's also been a theme of some of our conversation is your ability to take care of yourself.

Yes. I don't have to be scared if I'm on my own. Don't have to be with some grotty man who's not right for me because I can capable of being on my own. But regardless of whatever

happens professionally, personally, you're handling it. You've done a beautiful job and you will continue to do so.

Thank you. But yeah, it does. It filters into every, every area of your life. So yeah, I feel capable in my business. I feel capable with my family, taking care of them and taking care of myself. It's, you know,

nice. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you should be very proud of yourself for the work that you've done. And

well, thank you for sitting alongside me so many sessions.

All right. So one last question before we go, what advice would you have to someone who's on the fence? Stuck thinking about coaching, not sure, but what advice would you give them?

If you truly want more for your life and more for yourself, then just try it because you've got nothing to lose, nothing to lose. but be prepared to do the work. be prepared to examine yourself and be open to changing the way you view things. but take a chance on yourself. You deserve it. You deserve it. You invest in your clothes, you invest in beauty products so you don't age, invest in your mind. Really, I think if you can make that investment, it's important to try it because really, yeah, it can be truly life changing.

Well, thank you so much, Tiffany, for your time. And I will make sure that we put in the show notes how people can find your beautiful work. Oh, thank you. look you up, but thank you very much for your time today. I really appreciate it. You're very welcome.

I'm going to go and have a glass of wine at sunset now because I was brave enough to come and live on an island on my own. All right.

All right. Thank you.

Thank you for listening to This Daring Adventure podcast with your host Trista Guertin. We hope you enjoyed the tips and conversations on how to get excited about life again. As always, you can head to tristaguertin.com for additional resources and to book a one on one coaching session. You can also follow Trista on Instagram at tristavguertin don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review us on Apple Podcasts. Thanks again for tuning in and we'll see you next time.