Lies My Brain Tells Me

Welcome to This Daring Adventure podcast, where we work on bridging the gap between where we are and where we want to be in order to live a bigger and bolder life. In this podcast, we will provide inspiration, tips, and skills you need to make your life the adventure you want it to be. Here's your host mindset, mentor, and life coach Trista Guertin.

Hey, everybody. Welcome back. This is This Daring Adventure Episode 71 Lies My Brain Tells Me. I am Trista Guertin. I am your host and I am a master certified life coach. So I apologize because I sound a little stuffed up again and it honestly only happened within the last 10 minutes before I sat down to record this podcast. So I have no idea why, but I apologize for the stuffiness.

I wanted to start off to let you know, I wanted to start off by letting you know that I'm going to be hosting another webinar on June 1st. That's next Saturday at 11 a. m. Eastern. And it is the six steps to building a better relationship with yourself.

Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you will ever have. And it is the foundation on which you build the life that you want. And you become the person that you want to become in this webinar. I will be going through this. six steps, including giving you an overview of the tools and the skills that I use and that I teach in my coaching program, as well, I will be introducing my new program, which is the six week jumpstart to building a better relationship with yourself.

I'm very excited to share this with you. I think it will be really interesting and very helpful, and you can click the link in the show notes to register for the zoom webinar in advance. If you can't make it live, I will be sending out a replay afterwards. So be sure to register and join me because it's a very important topic.

So today I was going to do an I was going to do an episode on things I learned from playing wordle and I wasn't going to call it that, but that was what I was thinking about. And that's how this episode started. I started playing Wordle last year intermittently. Not very seriously, if you play wordle seriously, but I started playing a little bit more this year, and then in April I committed. I was like, I'm gonna play every day. And I've been doing that consistently. I think I missed one day in April and one day this month so far. I guess I thought about it as, they talk about, brain training and that it's healthy for your brain.

I never really expected to realize any benefits to be honest. I didn't really think that I would notice anything after this little experiment, but I have to say over the past few weeks after playing and I, I play on an app.

There's a Wordle app, which is annoying because you have to watch some ads and then you collect these coins. Then there's also the New York Times version, which I also had started playing. The wordle app is a little bit easier because they do have clues and they do have help that you can get. And if you don't make it within like the five or six tries, then you can start again. So I have done, I will be honest, I have done that a few times and I've also used some of the clues, but not so much anymore.

But the point is that I started off, and I know in April when I really started playing consistently, my brain, it was just looking at the boxes and the letters and trying to make guesses and my brain would just tell me no, this is impossible. You're never going to get this. No. And it was so adamant. Like it was just like no.

And so I, luckily I had some clues and some things and it usually it helped me in that. But I didn't give up. I would stay with it, keep going and consciously more and more, when I noticed my brain saying, no, this is impossible, no, I can't do this, no, it's not going to, no. I would just say, wait, let's just keep going. Yes. I'll figure it out. And, obviously I had a growing body of evidence that I could figure it out, but Yeah. I just, I was struck by how adamant my brain was and saying no, this is impossible. You'll never figure this out. No, it's not. And then as I was saying, it's changed over the last few weeks because it's become easier for me to make the guesses and the words are just starting to come. I'm, still making some mistakes but it is easier and I am coming up with these words and I'm like, how did, where did this come from? it's just popping up a little bit easier. I have fewer days where my brain is just no, it still happens, but it's not every single day like it was before.

So I was really struck by the progress and the changes that I've made over the past almost two months. so for this episode, I wanted to share that with you, just we talk about neuroplasticity and we talk about our ability to change and to learn and to grow. And It just really stuck out to me as an example of the changes we can make in our brain I found it really helpful because I've seen it in other areas of my life, obviously. one of the areas I think is, technology, starting my own coaching business and most of it being online, setting up a website, Instagram and all the things I really, I had to learn that from scratch and so that takes a while to work out into a puzzle and it can be very frustrating. I saw it there, but it really just, it just really struck me in such a way to see this, the progress that I've made in such a short time with Wordle, because I'm telling you my brain was so adamant that there was, I just couldn't do this. so working through that to me is just an example of how anything is possible. if we're patient and we keep trying and we keep working and we don't listen to that initial sort of reaction from our brain, which is the primitive part of our brain being lazy, trying to conserve energy, trying to protect us, then we can overcome that. eventually that primitive reaction settles down and we are able to work through it and reason through it and do whatever it is we want to do quicker and faster and better.

You can apply this to any area of your life and to anything you want to learn and anything you want to pick up. You have that same ability. But it's that initial reaction by the primitive part of our brain, that's just no. it's a real skill. It takes patience and it takes consistency and persistence to work through that and override it and manage it on a day to day basis. So then I started thinking about what other lies. is my brain telling me because that was just a blatant lie. No, you can't do it. No, it's not possible.

And I came up and of course I started brainstorming and I came up, I think with 14 or 15. So just bear with me here. I'm going to go through this, but I think it's really interesting.

The first one obviously had to do with Wordle that it was just too hard. It was impossible. that was the first lie. And I just kept working at it. just having that awareness that was what was coming up. That was what my brain was offering me and that I didn't have to believe it. And I would just settle down, take a pause, keep going. I would get through it. And eventually I got better and better at it too.

The second one was when I'm packing my suitcases to go on a trip. of course I just returned last week from Paris and Corfu, It was foremost in my mind because I always overpack and I tried hard not to pack a lot of items this last trip, but once I got to Corfu after Paris, I was I could have left this behind. I could have left that. I didn't have to bring that. I just noticed a lot of the stuff goes into the suitcase at the last minute, and it's my brain telling me you need this. You need more, you need options. And I fall for it every single time. that's something that I'm working on, but I notice that's my brain, especially at the last minute. I'm like, oh, I better throw this in just in case.

The third one is that either I don't have enough time, like there's no time. Or that it's too late for me. And this has to do more with, my age, I'm now 52. I think, Oh there's no more time for me. It's too late for me to do some of these things. I hear this a lot from my clients, especially women who are in their late forties, early fifties. we tend to suddenly reach this age and think, Oh, this is it. We've crossed this line, this imaginary line that now. It's not possible for us to start a second career, start a new business or learn something new, a new degree, whatever it is. And that's a lie. It's never too late. in fact, I think this age is actually the perfect time to be starting some of these things, something new, something different, and we're just getting started. it's not too late.

You have plenty of time.

Let's go.

The fourth is It's not good enough. I see this, especially with my podcast episodes, with anything that I write, any, anything, any social media posts, anything I'm about to publish and share publicly, it's my brain just tells me It's not that good. It's not good. It's not good enough. It's anywhere in the range from not good to terrible and should be redone or not published or not done at all. most of the time I just override that because I just don't want to redo it. Or, I have a deadline and it needs to go out. But, There's always this voice, it's it's not just a voice, it's my brain telling me that it's really not good and you shouldn't put it out there. And I have to override it every single time. I don't know that there will ever be a time where I think, Oh, this is really great. I'm going to put this out, but let's see, I will let you know.

But I really feel that every single time my brain is telling me that it's not good enough and then I get feedback from people, I get emails, I get comments and people appreciate it and say it's good or that they enjoyed it. So it can't be that bad, but in my head it's terrible.

Next is either looking at I guess it's not working is the lie. And this comes, particularly like trying to lose weight or exercising and trying to get in shape for business, it just feels like it's not working. It's not working. It's not working. And that's the loop in my head and my brain telling me it's not possible. It's not working. It's, you're not making any progress.

Most of the time, I think when we're trying to make changes, when we're trying to grow something, do something different. And then learn something, it feels like we're not making progress and we're not making progress and we're not making progress and we're stuck and we're staying still and we're not moving forward until all of a sudden we realize, wow, we have changed. We have moved forward. I think I've been doing a lot of mindset work over the past couple of months.

Again, some very precise and focused mindset work during April and may. I was just doing it every day, same things, journaling, writing mindsets. I was just, repeating the same exercises and the same activities day after day. up until a few days ago I felt like it's not making any difference. It doesn't matter. It, I don't know, if it's working. then all of a sudden, I'm like, wow, there's been a profound shift and it is working. I should know better because these things always take time.

And I would say the exact same thing to any of my clients. I've made so much progress over the last few years.

So I know all of this works, but my brain is just, nope no, And then all of a sudden it's it's just the shift and the change is so noticeable. So it's just a lie that it's not working.

The sixth lie is I'll start tomorrow. And that's usually always a lie. My brain, if I am looking at giving up sugar, or, wanting to eat more salads or go for a walk, it's always like tomorrow, I'll start tomorrow. I'll have salads tomorrow. I'll have more quinoa tomorrow. I'll go for a longer walk tomorrow. that's just a lie that my brain tells me. obviously it feels very good in the moment. You get that hit of dopamine in the moment because you don't have to do the thing that you don't want to do. And then you just put it off until tomorrow, but you feel better because you think, yes tomorrow is the day. That's when it really happens. It's okay. I have time. I can start tomorrow. It's always a lie.

It's always a lie.

You have to just start today. You have to not give in to your brain. You have to just not believe it when it's telling you these stories that tomorrow is better and that you shouldn't start today.

The seventh is it's about me. oftentimes if I think if someone doesn't call us back right away, or they don't message us or we don't hear from them or they don't say the right thing or they don't follow up or there's a comment made we really think it's about us in that somehow the person is thinking something about us. There's something wrong with us. We've done something wrong. We're in trouble, whatever it is. our brain really likes that train of thinking. And it's not true.

Most of the time, it's not true. in the odd case it is, it's really not a big deal.

And unless you really have done something that you need to apologize for or make up for, but most of the time we're completely paranoid that we've done something wrong or there's something wrong with us.

And that's why, we're not hearing, but it, that's usually not the case. if it is, again, it's what the person is thinking. it's about them. It's about what's going on in their head and their interpretation and what they're thinking and feeling. And we have no control over that.

So most of the time we're spinning in worry and paranoia and doubt and fear because we think there's something wrong, but that's hardly ever the case.

So it's not about me. It's not about you. It's it just is, and let the other person have their thoughts and let them do whatever. If you don't hear from somebody, call them. If you don't get the message that you want. Tell them you need something. Ask, but don't sit there in doubt and fear and paranoia and worry thinking that there's something wrong with you because it's just not the case.

The eighth one is that something is really important. it could be anything that, that your brain is looping out on. Sometimes it's a product that you want to buy or a pair of shoes or something that you need to do or say whatever it is. Like it's just so important and so urgent that you have to act on it. There's just this urgency and this drive to do it.

And again that's part of our primitive brain. Just acting on fear and this urge to, resolve something so quickly that you have no control and you're trying to get that hit of, it's trying to get that hit of dopamine. it's never that important. we just have to bring our prefrontal cortex back online and take a few deep breaths and calm down because it's usually not that important.

Number nine is that I'm going to die. And that's in the sense, like it's that fear base. I'm going to die. When I'm on a plane and there's a little bit of turbulence, I think I'm going to die. This is it. Like this, I can usually manage it quite well, but it's always one of those things that just crosses my mind. This is it. And we're going down and it's never the case. Your brain just goes there. it works on fear and it's very much afraid of you dying. of course it wants to protect us. It just goes there automatically and it's very dramatic, but it's hardly ever the case.

I also have this fear about tsunamis and I was supposed to go to the Maldives earlier in the year and I was just like, I can't do it. I can't do it. I was not in the place where I could coach myself through it and do the work I could have probably under normal circumstances, but I was just like, I just didn't want to deal with it. I've missed my chance to go to the Maldives right now, so I'll have to wait until another time, but I was, again, it was my brain telling me that there was this huge threat and risk and it was completely fear based and obviously not true, but there you go.

Next is It's what they think matters. So that's another lie that my brain tells me is that other people's opinions are so important. And, obviously it's very normal for us to act and say things. In a way that we think will give us their, and they are they like whoever they are, their approval and that they will like us and love us. it's very normal. Again, it is a part of the function of the primitive brain trying to be a part of a community and try to have that intimacy, that companionship, making sure that we are part of the tribe, not ostracized or, sent away. the brain thinks it's very important for us to have that approval and to fit in and to be liked, but in this day and age it's really not social connections, of course, family, friends. Social ties, all very important, but not to the extent that it should be driving our actions and what we say and what we do in an attempt to make people like us or love us.

And it happens very naturally in my brain that I like way out, what I should do and what I should think of what I should say in, in order to make people approve and but it's never the case. It's never true. It's never necessary. my work is to be honest and to be authentic and to listen to what I want and to live my life according to what's important to me.

Next is number 12 and it's that it doesn't matter. this is a lie that my brain tells me. Again, about my work or about some of the things that I want to create or to share. And there's a thought that. It doesn't matter to anything. It doesn't matter whether it's done or not, whether anybody's going to appreciate it or not. There's always this thought loop that it just, it's not going to make a difference, and I think that's my brain. I can see the primitive part of my brain defaulting to the negative and looking for problems in just looking for the worst case scenario and I can find evidence and that's what I do is refocus my brain to find evidence I get feedback I work on my belief that it does matter and I believe that it does matter in, in the grand scheme of things. If it matters to me, then that's what's most important. oftentimes I think of just being able to help one person to make a difference in one person's life, or, one cat's life if I'm out feeding them or one dog's life, if they're rescued or whatever it is. It, I have to believe that it does make a difference, but I do focus on, it makes a difference to me. It makes. It makes a difference to me and I think it's important. So therefore that's enough.

Number 13 is that I can't, and this is very similar to the wordle, but in this way I say, I specifically think about creativity. I, especially when I first started my coaching business and having to think up Instagram posts and podcast episodes and blog posts and things, telling, coming up with things to, to say and to write, it was very challenging and just, I was telling myself that I wasn't very creative that I didn't have this ability and thinking that creativity was something either you were born with or you weren't. And that's not the case. It's just something that we have to tap into. It's a skill that I've learned some people may be more talented at it and others and may have gifts in certain areas, but yeah, I'm not going to become Picasso and I'm not going to be drawing like Degas, but I can come up with ideas and I can come up with programs and I can come up with webinar ideas and things like that. it's a practice and I still feel like I'm still at the very beginning stages.

But I'm seeing that it is possible and it is something that you have to work at and learn and you become better at it just like wordle. I don't let my brain tell me anymore that I'm not creative. I stopped telling that story about myself.

Then the 14th and final lie is that I'm going to lose it. so this is a fear based lie about, I'm not going to be able to continue. I'm, I remember very distinctly when I got my job with my organization years ago. I was like that I'm going to lose my job. They're going to fire me. They're going to find out I'm no good. They're going to think that they made a mistake hiring me. I remember that very, I was always just afraid I was going to lose my job. I was going to lose my money. I was going to lose. Like just whatever I've built up whatever I created whatever was important to me, I was going to lose. it was very profound within my professional life. there was just this constant fear I'm just not good enough. I'm just, they're going to find out, they're going to know, they're going to see. Again it's a lie. It's my brain just defaulting again to the negative, looking for problems. over time, that's obviously subsided.

But I have done a lot of work on that to just calm myself down, calm my brain down, override it, manage it, refocus it and just continue on a day to day basis. It's not so much the case anymore, but I think it still comes up in little ways and in other areas. So there's always that fear that you're going to lose something that's important to you. And that's something that you've acquired or something that you've built, that you're going to lose it. And of course, that's always the case. in coaching, we always look at, okay, what is the worst case scenario and what could happen? And what if that does happen? And you reason your brain through it and you walk through it and you see you, you have capacity and you have the capability to problem solve and to take care of yourself.

So it's not the end of the world. These things do happen. It, it is realistic, spending time and energy and worry and that, Is never helpful. if you can refocus your brain to say, okay What is the worst case scenario that I'm afraid of and what would I do if that happened? it does help to calm the brain down and to just focus it on what is? Possible and that it's not this big scary idea or concept anymore. It's a little bit more focused, and it does help to calm the brain down. It sees that it's not just this vague, scary thing that you know that is coming at you.

So those are my 14 lies that my brain tells me. it's important to know that your primitive part of your brain is always going to function like that. It is looking to seek pleasure. It is looking to avoid pain. It is looking to be as efficient as possible. It has kept us alive. It has kept us surviving as a species for thousands and thousands of years, but it has not caught up to. Where we are today in modern society.

So it's still looking for threats. It's still looking for problems. It's still defaulting to the negative, and it still has a great deal of fear about your physical security. it uses fear as a protection mechanism. 

Your job now is to use your prefrontal cortex, the part of our brain that analyzes and is rational and we can use it to plan ahead in order to manage your mind in order to manage that primitive part of our brain. And these thoughts from your primitive part of your brain will continue to come up as long as you're alive. As long as you have a human brain, it's going to continue to function like that.

But when you have greater awareness of what's going on and you understand That you don't have to believe it, that it's not serving you and that you can refocus it and choose intentionally the thoughts that you want to think instead of just being at the mercy of what your brain is offering you on a day to day basis.

And that is the secret sauce. That is how you overcome yourself and then move yourself forward to create whatever it is you want and become whoever it is you want. That is it. You do the daily work every single day.

You have to show up, you have to clean out your mind, you have to focus it. You have to be intentional with your thinking. You have to make sure that you're not just believing everything that it tells you. And being clear that if it's not serving you, if it's not helpful, then you choose something else. And you practice and you practice until it becomes a well worn neural pathway in your brain, so it becomes more believable and it's driving your feelings and your actions. And then you're able to create the results that you want. it takes work.

It's daily work. I tell you, if I don't do this daily work, I know my brain just goes off into the gutter and I can really notice a difference. It's the same way. If you stop practicing yoga or if you don't exercise for a while. You feel tight, you feel that difference in your body. You're not as loose and not as comfortable as you were when you were exercising.

It's the same way with your mind. It's if you're not, if I'm not cleaning it out, if I'm not being intentional, if I'm not focusing it, it does just go off and left to its own devices. It starts looking for problems. It starts offering me a lot of fearful thoughts, lies, and it runs on loops.

And that's what keeps us stuck.

We just are letting it run on its own devices and just doing whatever it wants. then it keeps us in these loops over and over again so that you stall out. You're not able to take action. You're not able to focus and create whatever it is you want. This work is not easy.

You're never one and done, but it is possible. And this is the work that we do in coaching.

So if you're interested in trying coaching for yourself, the link to my calendar is in the show notes. I'm still offering free 45 minute coaching sessions until the end of June.

If you want to sign up, come learn more about coaching, try it for yourself. Bring any issue you wish, and I'll coach you on it. I will also tell you about what it would be like to work with me. I am introducing a new program.

As I mentioned at the start of the episode, the six week jumpstart to building a better relationship with yourself. I will tell you about that, or you can join me for my zoom webinar on June 1st. And I will also tell you about my three month get unstuck program.

I will take you through the four pillars of my work and show you how impactful and important this work can be. It is life changing and I can't wait to share it with you.

Thanks for listening everybody. If you have a moment to rate, review, share, subscribe on Apple podcasts, I would greatly appreciate it. It gets the podcast out to a wider audience.

Thank you so much. I'll talk to you next week.

Bye bye.

Thank you for listening to This Daring Adventure podcast with your host Trista Guertin. We hope you enjoyed the tips and conversations on how to get excited about life again.

As always, you can head to Tristaguertin.com for additional resources and to book a one on one coaching session. You can also follow Trista on Instagram at tristavguertin.

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Thanks again for tuning in and we'll see you next time.