Stay in Your Lane

Welcome to This Daring Adventure podcast, where we work on bridging the gap between where we are and where we want to be in order to live a bigger and bolder life. In this podcast, we will provide inspiration, tips, and skills you need to make your life the adventure you want it to be. Here's your host, mindset mentor and life coach Trista G

Hey, everybody.

Welcome back to This Daring Adventure. My name is Trista Guertin. I am your host. Thank you so much for joining me today. I am just back into work after a bit of a vacation with family and friends, and I'm excited about this topic.

The title is Stay in Your Own Lane. It's something that I was thinking about while I was at home. A couple of things came up. Part of it is the work that I've been doing on myself over the past few years and letting people be minding my own business, not telling people how they should live their lives. It's not easy and maybe I'm not a hundred percent perfect at it, but it is such a liberating concept when you can do it effectively.

I think about all the drama that used to. I used to create around, thinking about talking about how different family members should live their lives, how friends should live their lives. It can be anybody, right? It could be your partner. It could be your boss. It could be your colleagues. It could be your sister. It could be, a friend, it's basically anybody and everybody possibly. And just letting that all go has been so freeing and so liberating that I wanted to talk a little bit about it today.

I was listening to a podcast about Byron Katie and some of her work, and she's a, she's an author and a speaker.

One of her concepts was that basically there are three types of business in the world my business your business and the universe's business and basically, we need to just stay in our own business and not get into someone else's business or the universe's business meaning basically we shouldn't get into how someone else should live their lives. And that we shouldn't second guess the universe, why somebody was born, why something is happening, why the weather the way is the way it is, anything like that, anything that's out of our control, basically, we should just focus on what is in our control, which is how we show up, what we think, what we feel, what we do, and to basically stay in our own lane and the idea also is complemented by the concept of emotional adulthood, which I've done a previous podcast episode on something that I learned at the Life Coach School, where adults, anybody over the age of 18 can do what they want. adults have the authority and the power to live their lives as they choose.

And there may be consequences, of course, but we cannot say how they should live their lives, what they should do, what's best for them, that we should know better, and that we basically don't have any control over changing them or fixing them.

And it's common, right? We feel the need to fix somebody.

If someone we love or someone we work with or somebody we know and care about is drinking too much or doing drugs or struggling to find work or struggling with money or struggling in a relationship.

We want to help them. We want to fix them. We want to change them. And the underlying belief there is that we know better how they should live their lives or what their life should be like. And what it does is cause suffering for us because we can't control them.

No matter what we do, we will not be able to control them. We will not be able to change them ultimately. And we believe that if they would just do whatever it is, stop drinking, stop smoking, leave that relationship, get a job. Then they would feel better. They would be happy. They would be at peace. And then we would get to feel relief and peace and happy and better.

And I think, we all have someone in our lives who doesn't behave the way we want them to behave. And we are adamant that we know better than they know how they should live their lives. probably we feel a sense of responsibility.

I feel like this is something that is well intended for the most part and well meaning, but that, we feel a sense of responsibility to control them and to control their lives.

Because, ultimately then, we will feel better about their lives, and then we won't have to worry about them, we won't have to stress about it, there won't be any drama.

We want to help them, so then they can be happy, and then we can be happy. But, if you can come from a place of not suffering, and help them, then you eliminate a lot of the drama and you eliminate the suffering.

You don't need to suffer in order to help them, you don't need to tie your emotions to their circumstances and what they're doing and what they're saying. You can feel better right now because ultimately your suffering doesn't help them and It obviously doesn't help you.

Think about what it would be like for you to just let them live their life however they want. What would that feel like for you?

And you don't have a choice, by the way. But they get to choose what they want to do with their lives. And I'm not saying you can't be there, and you're not supporting them, and you're not helping them in a way that you want to.

But it's dropping the belief that they need to change in order for you to feel better, because that will never work. And, Right now, you can feel better regardless of how they're living their life.

You can be there for them in such a better way if you're not trying to control them and change them for your benefit so that you can feel better.

You can feel better now. And when we try to help them from, for their sake, in essence, what we try to do is help them for their sake, but really it's for ours. Because we want them to be safe. We want them to be happy.

We want them to be at peace because then we will be happy and we will be at peace. But your suffering, your worry is not serving them and it's not serving you. We have to be able to let other adults live the life that they want to live and trust that they are on their own journey and that they are exactly where they need to be.

And that they can live their life without us controlling them, without us changing them. you can choose to be there to support and help them, or not.

And you want to reflect on, is what you're doing based on your fear or on love?

You don't need to fix them.

You don't need to change them. It's like we're afraid that if we're not afraid or worried, then something bad will happen to them. And somehow if we worry enough and we stress enough, then we can prevent the bad things from happening. But that's not true. If you can come from love and talking like unconditional love, not from fear, not from worry and not from control, how would you show up?

One of the questions I like to ask myself and my clients is what would love do?

Now this isn't easy, I'm not saying that it's going to be easy or comfortable, but it's not supposed to be, but you can reduce the suffering and you can find some ease in releasing the need to control and the need to fix people and trust that they are on their journey and be there if you want to support them and if you want to help them, if you can, if they want it or not. But from a place of love, you can feel better now. You do not have to tie your emotions their experience or their circumstances.

It serves absolutely no one and you will feel the ease of letting all that go and it just might improve your relationship overall with this person in the long run.

So stay in your own lane. You can't change people, you cannot control them. But ask yourself, what would love do?

Just be there with unconditional love. Help them, support them, or not. But let them live their lives. Alright, that's what I have for you today.

Thanks everybody for joining me. I hope you have a great week. And I will be back next week with another episode. Take care, bye bye.

Thank you for listening to this Daring Adventure podcast with your host Trista Guertin. We hope you enjoyed the tips and conversations on how to get excited about life again.

As always, you can head to tristaguertin.com for additional resources and to book a one on one coaching session.

You can also follow Trista on Instagram at tristavguertin.

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