Tame Your Inner Toddler

Hey everybody!

Welcome back to This Daring Adventure. This is episode 97.

We're getting up there. Almost at 100. I'm excited.

Still planning my 100th episode but that will be coming up in a couple of weeks and I hope everybody had a great holiday.

It's getting ready for the new year. I know I am giving a lot of thought about personal goals, professional goals, what I want to do in 2025.

It's going to be a really big, exciting year. especially in my coaching practice. I have a lot of ideas and things that I want to do and share with you and I'm really excited to just take it all to the next level and I hope you will join me.

One thing I wanted to mention was that on January 23rd, I'm going to be doing an open coaching call. I'm calling it a coaching workshop that's on January 23rd. I'm going to be putting that in the show notes so you can sign up for that. Basically I will be doing a little bit of teaching and then some coaching and anybody can come, anybody can join, bring any issue that you wish and I will coach you on that. And even if you don't want to get coached yourself, it can be really helpful. And in fact, it's I know it is. lot of times someone will get coached on an issue that is similar to the one that you are facing or working on something that, that may be applicable in your life.

And, It helps to have that perspective and that space that you are not the one who needs to focus and actually be coached, but you can listen and you can just take it all in without, having to be coached on it at that time. It is different. The coaching is super helpful, but then also listening to someone else get coached super helpful.

So I hope you will join me then. I'm excited to do that. And it is something that I will be doing on a monthly basis in 2025. I really want to expose as many people as possible to my coaching. and to coaching in general, just to see how powerful and helpful that can be.

All right.

So today I want to talk about our primitive brain and not letting it run the show meaning our lives. I think this is really applicable as we start the new year. And a lot of us decide on goals that we want to achieve new year's resolutions. we see it as a great starting point to make changes in our lives, set goals, break old habits, and, to up level and to become that different, better version of ourselves that we've been thinking about, but I know, and I've seen this in myself and I know that this happens to, to all of us at some point is that we set these goals, we decide to change our habits and, We start out strong, but then we lose momentum. And if this happens to you, which I'm pretty sure it has, Just know you're not alone.

This is not something that is happening exclusively to you.

And today I wanted to talk about why this happens, and more importantly, how you can stop letting your primitive brain run your life and run the show. I know for myself, I used to beat myself up quite a bit when I couldn't stick to my goals.

I really just thought there was something wrong with me, that I just didn't have what it takes. And I thought it was a sign that I lacked discipline or willpower. but the truth is, it wasn't me failing, it was my brain working exactly as it was designed to. once I understood that, then everything changed.

So that's why I want to share that with you today. to start with, we need to understand the primitive brain. And our primitive brain is the part of our brain that's evolved to keep us alive.

It's focused on survival, and it operates on the motivational triad of pain, seeking pleasure, and conserving energy. Back when our survival meant escaping predators or finding enough food, this was life saving.

This is what kept us alive. But in today's world, obviously these instincts often work against us.

For example, your primitive brain is the reason why you'll reach for junk food instead of preparing a healthy meal, or you'll scroll on your phone instead of tackling a project, or you'll avoid a tough conversation because it feels uncomfortable.

Your brain is always seeking the path of least resistance. This is normal. This is absolutely normal. Your brain will do this automatically. And so just understand that this makes sense. if you are doing these things, it makes sense and it's completely normal.

And this is why New Year's resolutions can feel so hard to stick to. The moment something feels challenging or uncomfortable, your primitive brain will try to pull you back to what's safe and easy.

Once the excitement wears off, once the novelty wears off, your brain is just oh, maybe this isn't a good idea. Maybe I don't want to do this work anymore. When your primitive brain is in charge, you're stuck in a cycle of instant gratification.

Think of a toddler. Think of a two year old that just sees things and wants it and is just completely run by his or her emotions. You are prioritizing what feels good now over what will serve you long term.

Over time, this creates a life of missed opportunities, unfulfilled potential, and just general frustration. And think about how often you've told yourself, I'll start tomorrow, or it's just one time, or I'll do it later, only to find yourself in the same place weeks or months.

And in today's world, our primitive brain has endless opportunities to indulge and to amuse itself and to divert its attention away from what you want to really do and accomplish in the long term. We have social media, we have streaming platforms like Netflix, we have junk food delivery apps.

Everything is really easy, it's really accessible, it's really quick. And these things feel good in the moment. And so your brain just craves more and more, but overall they leave us feeling unfulfilled, and often we're a lot further away from our goals because of them.

What we can do in order to make real, lasting, sustainable change is to use our prefrontal cortex. This is the part of our brain that plans and dreams and takes intentional action.

This is the part that we want to tap into and that we're going to use when we say, you know what, this is hard. It's worth it, and I'm not going to listen to the primitive part of my brain, but I'm going to do what I said I was going to do.

And we want, as a first step, to really pay attention to the chatter in our brain and to catch those excuses that the primitive part of our brain is going to offer us.

And they're going to sound like, I don't feel like it right now, this is too hard, I'll start tomorrow.

These are classic primitive brain responses that are trying to keep us in our comfort zone. and the greater awareness you can have to understand and catch these thoughts, the better you will be at overcoming them. And so you want to pause and question.

When you notice that resistance, pause and ask yourself is this my primitive brain talking? Or, what was I planning to do instead? What would my higher brain choose? And then you want to practice discomfort on purpose.

Do the small things daily that are uncomfortable, like exercising when you don't feel like it, or having a tough conversation, or opening that email. This retrains your brain to see discomfort as safe and even productive. And you can start small. If you're thinking about going for a walk or going to the gym, you don't have to go for an hour, go for five minutes, go for 10 minutes, start to build that habit, start to build that muscle and practice the discomfort on purpose.

Next, visualize your future self. This is a really powerful exercise to take the time to imagine the person you want to become. What choices would she make today? How would she handle the challenges? This helps to override your primitive brain's focus on instant gratification. You have a longer term view. You're using your prefrontal cortex.

Think of your prefrontal cortex as your guide to making your resolution stick. If you want to make sustainable change, you need to be using that prefrontal cortex on a daily basis. It's what allows you to plan ahead, resist the pull of immediate comfort, and to create the life you truly want.

Otherwise, you're just going to be pulled all over the place by that toddler primitive brain of yours. It will keep you stuck in a cycle of truly instant gratification and instant rewards. And therefore, you will not be building the skills, you will not be making those changes, you will not be building those habits.

And you will not be becoming the person that you want to become, or building the life that you want to create.

So this week, I want you to notice one time when your primitive brain tries to run the show.

Maybe it's convincing you to procrastinate, to avoid discomfort, or to give up on a goal. But instead of giving in, pause and choose what your higher brain would do. That pause is really important. Taking that time to just think clearly, to gain perspective and to focus on what it is you want to focus on to be intentional about. Otherwise you're in a rush and you're just trying to satisfy that primitive part of your brain.

So gaining that awareness and taking that pause are key. so just remember that urge, that voice in your head that tells you to do it later, or to stay warm and comfortable in your bed, or to watch more Netflix, or to order the pizza. It's your primitive part of your brain.

And it's that toddler part that is just looking for instant gratification.

And it doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you. It doesn't mean that anything has gone wrong, but gain that awareness that this is what is going on and take that pause to think about what it is you really want to do and what your longer term goals are.

There is going to be discomfort.

There's discomfort either way. If you're giving in to that primitive part of your brain, then later on you're going to be beating yourself up because you ate that pizza, you stayed in bed, you didn't go to the gym, whatever it is.

Or, you face that discomfort of opening that email, eating that salad, putting down the phone and not scrolling on social media, or going to bed earlier and not watching Netflix.

But, in the long term, you know that listening to that prefrontal cortex is what's going to get you to where you want to go.

Gain that awareness, take that pause, and then think long term. if you're ready to stop letting your primitive brain hold you back and keep you stuck and you want to start making real changes in your life, I will put the link to my calendar in the show notes.

Get on a call with me. Let's do a consultation.

Let's talk about where you're getting stuck and how you can start to make changes. You want to take back control and build a life aligned with your goals and I can show you how to do that.

So the link to book your spot is in the show notes. Remember, your primitive brain has done a great job of keeping you safe and alive, but it's time to let your higher brain lead the way. If you want to make lasting changes in your life, you need to be using that prefrontal cortex.

This is how you make that lasting change and step into the life that you're meant to live.

You've got this.

Thank you so much for tuning in today.

Have a great week and I will talk to you next week. Bye bye.