The power of choice

Hey everybody. Welcome back to the podcast.

Today, I'm doing a mini episode Monday, and I wanted to talk about something that I know so many of us struggle with, it's that awful, heavy, frustrating feeling of being stuck. And in particular, it's that feeling of stuck when you are in a job or a relationship or some sort of situation that you can't get out of you are just trapped in, and no matter how much you want things to change, it just, it feels like you just can't.

There's something that has to happen that you don't particularly have a lot of control over, but I want to offer to you today that this situation, being stuck, is not actually a fact, it is a feeling, and that feeling is coming from believing that you have no choice, that you are in this relationship, that you are in this job, that you are in this situation, because you don't have a choice.

I promise you, you always have a choice. I want you to imagine this. You're in a job you hate.

We've all been there, right? You feel drained, exhausted, and the whole time your brain is telling you, I can't leave, I have to stay, I don't have a choice.

But what if that wasn't true?

And what if, instead of thinking I have no choice, You thought, I am choosing to stay in this job right now. It seems small, but it can feel very different. It's a huge shift, and I've done this for myself. instead of thinking, that one thought, I have no choice, keeps you in victim mode, it keeps you feeling powerless.

The other, I am choosing to If you don't want to stay in this job right now, put you back in charge. It means you're accepting responsibility and you have the power.

I recently had a client who was so sure she was stuck.

She hated her job.

She felt drained by it. But when I asked her why she was staying in it, she said I have bills to pay and I need the money.

And I told her that's a choice. And at first she really resisted. She's no, it's not. It's, I don't have a choice. I have to work. I have to make the money. And I said you actually don't. Like you, technically, you're an adult. Nobody's forcing you to work. You could quit. That's not to say that there wouldn't be consequences. That's not to say that there may not be issues.

She could go broke. She could lose her house. She could live on the street. Not great options, but as an adult, she could completely just quit her job and not work and face the consequences. If you are an adult, you're over the age of 18, you can do what you want and there will be consequences. But accepting responsibility and accepting where your power is key. And when she, my client sat with that, thinking that she did have a choice, she realized she could leave.

She could actually quit today. She could start looking for another job. She could take a completely different path, but she wasn't choosing that right now.

And you know what?

That realization didn't make her quit on the spot, but it did something even more powerful.

It made her feel in control again. She was choosing to stay.

She actively chose to stay. And sometimes you need to make this choice every single day. And she wasn't staying because she was stuck. But she had her reason. And that reason was the financial stability that the job was providing to her, which was the most important issue at that time. and when she acknowledged that, she stopped feeling powerless.

She literally took back her power in that moment. And she started thinking about what she did want. And what steps she could take. And you can imagine that she started showing up quite differently. And her time and her focus and her energy was not in playing the victim, and focusing on what she didn't want, and how unhappy she was. And she had to do quite a bit of work every day reminding herself, I'm choosing to be here. And sometimes she had to remind herself a few times a day.

Which is something that I've done myself. And you just refocus. And it is a release.

And it is powerful. And it provides an instant shift.

And you stop rushing. Like she was, and we've, I think we've all done this too in relationships, right?

We need to get out. Or we need to move the house. Or we need to move the city. Or we need, we just need to get away and get out. We can't get away quick enough. that's not the energy that you want to be in because I promise you, you're going to take your brain with you. And so whatever thoughts you're thinking, and in this case, it's that you don't have a choice, that you're powerless, that you are a victim.

You're going to eventually wind up thinking those thoughts again, wherever you go, right?

The novelty will wear off the newness, the excitement. wears off from a new situation, whether that's a job, a relationship, a house, a city, a career, it doesn't matter.

The novelty wears off, your brain gets bored, and then you start focusing on the negative and the problems. But if you can clean that up before you make a move, then you have that skill and you have that ability to be actively empowered and focused and intentional. and creating what you want instead of just stuck in the muck and the mire of what you don't want. when my client acknowledged that she was where she wanted to be because she wanted the money, and again your reason could be anything.

It doesn't have to be explained. It doesn't have to be justified. You don't have to even tell anybody.

You can just simply decide what your reason is and like it. Whether it's the money, it's the position, it's the power, it's the experience, it's the location. It doesn't matter.

So when she acknowledged her reason and that she was making a choice. And that she liked her choice and her reason. Then she stopped feeling powerless. And she started thinking about what she did want and what steps she could take. And she wasn't in a rush. She wasn't in a hurry. There wasn't this, oh, I have to get away from this. She could update her resume. She could start exploring new options. She wasn't running from something. She was moving towards Something. Different. Better. What she wanted.

So let's bring this back to you. Where in your life are you feeling stuck? Maybe it's your job. Maybe it's your relationship.

Maybe it's a habit that you can't break. Or a dream that you're chasing. Something that you want to create. And I want you to ask yourself these two questions. If I'm choosing this, why? And do I like my reason?

Because here's the thing.

You can stay exactly where you are.

Your capacity to be happy is exactly the same regardless of where you are. You can be just as happy right now where you are versus wherever you want to go. And you can keep doing what you're doing.

But when you recognize that you are choosing it, you have taken back your power.

You've made a shift. You're out of the victim mode and into that centered place where you have self responsibility. And when you take your power back, you start making decisions from a place of intentionality instead of helplessness, instead of hurry. Instead of panic. And that's when things really start to change.

So here's your homework. And yes, I'm giving you homework. Think about an area of your life where you are feeling stuck. Ask yourself, Am I choosing this? And why? Do I like my reason? And if you don't like your reason, that's where your work begins.

You have to find something that you like. And make that your focus.

Get honest with yourself. Be truthful. Again, it's not something that you need to share with anybody. But if you want to share it with me, you can hop on a free, private coaching session. I'm offering 50 minute coaching sessions. The link is in the show notes.

Come, let's talk about where you're feeling stuck and what you're choosing and why. It can be one of the most freeing, uplifting conversations that you have in a long time. I look forward to seeing you there.

Thanks everybody. Take care.

Bye bye.