Why you rebel against yourself

Hey everybody. Welcome back to mini episode Monday. Very happy to be here. I hope you had a good weekend. I wanted to let you know that I have launched a new. Mini course, it's called the validation shift, and if you have ever struggled with people pleasing, if you've ever struggled with setting boundaries, if you've ever struggled with feeling resentful, frustrated, annoyed with people when they don't acknowledge you, don't give you credit when they don't appreciate you or respect you, this is for you. We spend a lot of time chasing. That approval, appreciation, gratitude, respect, acknowledgement, support, feeling, being seen, and it's an endless hamster wheel and it's time to get off. So I have created a mini course. It's two hours of recorded videos. Five modules. It's on sale now for $19, and I also have a coupon code so you can get $5 off. The links are in the show notes as well as the coupon code. You can take this course. Whenever you have time, the modules are prerecorded. They're there for you. You have lifetime access, so you can go through it once, go through it a few times. I always like to watch things a few times, or read or listen, whatever it is. I find it really useful, but this is going to refocus your attention to what's going on externally and what you're getting from others so that you can create it internally and give it to yourself and get off that hamster wheel for once and for all, and stop leaking your energy and giving away your power to other people. And the shift is remarkable. I've done it myself. I work with my clients in the same way and help them to get that change, that transformation. And so I'm offering it to you here in this mini course. I think it's very powerful and I think you'll find it useful. So check that out. The link is in the show notes. And remember to take the coupon code as well for $5 off. The price will be going up in a week or so, but. Right now it is $19 and you get the $5 off. Alright, so today's episode is why you rebel against yourself. And I wanna tackle something that is a real struggle for all of us. But if we can shift this and it can create lasting change in our lives and. I often hear my clients say they make plans. They say they wanna take action, they know what they wanna do, but then they sabotage themselves and then they think that something's wrong with them. Does that sound familiar? Okay. So let's get into it. So here's what happens, let's say. You want to eat more healthfully, you wanna, maybe you wanna lose a little weight for the summer and you're thinking that you're going to create a food plan for yourself, and you pick the food carefully. You're excited about this. You feel like it's really going to change this time, you know it's gonna help you reach your goals, but then something shifts. And when it comes time to actually eat what you planned, you're suddenly rum rummaging through the pantry or making an unexpected trip to the store for food that just doesn't serve your goals at all. It's completely off the food plan. You've gone off the rails. Listen, we've all done this, right? And the most frustrating part is the more committed you are to your goal, the stronger this rebellion may become. And it's like you're working against yourself. I. And you are right, and I want you to know that this is completely normal, that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. This is simply how our brains are wired. And I'm gonna break it down for you here. Let's say what happens is you want food that is not on your plan and you have a thought. I want that. I need that. I have to have that. And what happens is you create that feeling of desire. You have an urge to eat that food. And then what happens is you rebel and you go and you eat that food, you go off plan, and you're basically sabotaging your yourself. And the result is that you're getting what you want in that moment. So what happens is that your brain has created this pattern and it's basically running on autopilot. Your brain genuinely believes that the answer to a desire or urge is to satisfy it immediately. It's looking for that short-term pleasure instead of your longer term wellbeing, because that's what we've trained it to do. But the good news is that you can retrain your brain. You can show it that the answer to a desire or urge is simply to feel those uncomfortable emotions and not just eat the food anyway. And this goes for anything, not going to the gym, not sitting down and writing that email, not applying for that job or working on your cv, whatever it is that you said you want to do. Chances are that primitive part of your brain is saying, no, no, no, no. So let me give you another example that makes this crystal clear. Imagine you are in a grocery store with a toddler and you are heading up to the checkout line, and every time you go through, the child wants a candy bar. The toddler wants to eat the chocolate Now. You know that if you constantly give into these requests, what will happen? The child has become conditioned to believing that that's how checkout lines work. We get the candy. Now you've been saying yes every time you go through that checkout line. Imagine one day you say no. What will happen? The child will probably throw an epic tantrum right there on the floor. It's gonna be uncomfortable. It's going be embarrassing. People will stare until you give in and you hand over the candy bar just to stop the scene. But what has the child learned? If I throw a big enough fit, then I will get what I want. Now this primitive part of your brain, it's like a toddler. Exactly in the same way, operates exactly the same. When you feel that urge and immediately satisfy it, you're training your toddler brain that this is how things work. And here's what's so powerful about understanding this pattern, is that it truly applies to everything in your life, not just food. think about it, like that workout that you planned when you don't, but then you don't feel like doing it. The language learning app you downloaded, but never open. The important email. You keep putting off the creative project you say you wanna finish, but never make time for. It's all the same. Your brain encounters resistance creates an urge to avoid discomfort, and then you give into that urge, then the pattern gets stronger with each repetition. Now, the good news is that the solution isn't complicated, but I'm not gonna tell you that it's easy. You need to teach your brain what really happens when desire shows up. You're not going to give in no matter how big of a fit that toddler brain throws. So here's what that would look like. The food that's not on your plan is available, or the workout you planned or the task you're avoiding. You have a thought, I want that. Or it could be, I don't wanna do this right now. And then the feeling is the desire, the urge. But then instead of giving in, you simply sit with those uncomfortable feelings. And what happens is then you just sit, allow, process it, feel it. Don't try to resist it, don't try to react to it. You stick to your plan and you process these emotions instead. The result will be that you get what you really want in the end, your longer term goals, not the immediate pleasure, and that's the key to accomplishing anything. There's no big secret. It's learning to manage your desires and your urges, not giving into that primitive part of your brain, which unfortunately is going to continue operating like that for the rest of your life. You will always encounter it, but the good news is that you can become stronger. You can become more skilled at it. You will have the awareness of what's going on. The awareness alone is huge. Once I caught on to what was going on in my brain, that's half the battle, right? You just don't automatically give into it. Then you say, oh wait, I know what's going on here. You can expect it. You prepare for it. And then just like with the actual toddler, after enough consistent experiences, your primitive part of your brain will slow the fits down. It will stop throwing fits for some of these these issues. Whenever I go to go for a walk or run, I have to say it still comes up most of the time. I don't know. But the thing is, is that I'm aware of what's going on and I know how to override it. I know how to just say, yes, I hear you, and we're going anyway. I know how to use my prefrontal cortex to override that. And so once we teach it how to respond to desire, we will become better at, decreasing that desire for that thing. It thought it wanted so desperately. It's like Pavlov's dogs. They became accustomed to the food being delivered when they rang that bell and then all they had to do was ring the bell and not even give them the food and the drool would start. then we have to deprogram our brain. So your assignment is simple but powerful practice, feeling the desires or urge and not giving in. Listen, it's gonna feel super uncomfortable for a while, but that discomfort is temporary. Eventually, your brain will learn this new pattern and those intense urges will start to diminish drastically. Now this is exactly the kind of transformational work I do with my clients every single day. We identify these patterns, we create practical strategies to interrupt them, and I provide the support and accountability to help you stay consistent until your brain rewires itself. If you are tired of feeling like you're fighting against yourself and ready to create lasting change, I wanna invite you to a free discovery call with me during this 45 minute conversation. We'll identify the specific thought patterns that are keeping you stuck, and create a clear roadmap for moving you forward. These calls are completely free, but the insight you'll gain is priceless. The link is in the show notes. Now you can book your discovery call, get on my calendar. If you don't see a time or date that suits you, don't hesitate to email me. DM me on Instagram. And we'll work something out, but don't wait. The longer you wait, the harder it becomes and your future self will thank you for taking this step today. Remember, you don't need to transform overnight. You just need to be willing to feel uncomfortable long enough for your brain to feel a new way, and it's totally possible. Thanks guys. Don't forget about the validation shift book your discovery call. I'll talk to you next time. Take care. Bye-bye.