Dec. 5, 2024

You are not a victim

You are not a victim

In this episode of This Daring Adventure, we'll explore the transition from victim mode to empowerment.

I discuss how our own thoughts and feelings, rather than external circumstances, contribute to our unhappiness.

I provide practical steps to recognize, reframe, and shift disempowering thoughts, thereby reclaiming emotional control.

The episode also includes personal anecdotes and actionable advice to help listeners feel more empowered and create the life they want.

03:20 Moving from Victim Mode to Empowerment

05:06 Understanding the Victim Mindset

10:02 Taking Responsibility for Your Thoughts

11:45 Personal Story: Reclaiming My Power

14:10 Final Thoughts and Encouragement

Resources Mentioned:

 

If you have a minute to rate, review, share and subscribe on Apple Podcasts, I would appreciate it.

You can review the podcast on Apple Podcasts HERE.

Transcript

Welcome to This Daring Adventure podcast, where we work on bridging the gap between where we are and where we want to be in order to live a bigger and bolder life. In this podcast, we will provide inspiration, tips, and skills you need to make your life the adventure you want it to be. Here's your host, mindset mentor and life coach Trista Guertin.

Hey everybody, welcome back to This Daring Adventure. I am Trista Guertin and I am your host. Thank you so much for joining me today.

We are busy here at Trista Guertin Coaching, I have to tell you. I have been doing webinars and they are a lot of fun. I did my Get Unstuck webinar this morning and I'm going to be doing another one next week. I'm also going to be doing a group coaching session on Friday. I will put the link to that in the show notes.

I have created my Overcoming Limiting Beliefs mini course and a Help for the Holidays mini course.

I have to tell you, I love my Help for the Holidays mini course. It is packed with tips and techniques and information that will help you go through the holidays less stressed and create more joy and more calm and more fun. I honestly, I am so excited about it. I'm so proud of it. And the great thing is that what you will learn in that course will not only be applicable for the holidays, it will be useful for any holiday gathering. it will be useful just for day to day. It contains a lot of really great information and methods that I use in my coaching and it's all there. And if you are not looking forward to the holidays, if you have something. It doesn't matter. It doesn't even have to be that stressful. This will just help you enjoy it that much more. I promise. I am so proud of it. So anyway, that's my little ad for that. You can find the link in the show notes to all of that.

Definitely if you're interested in coaching, come to the group coaching session on Friday. I'm also offering free mini coaching sessions. They're 30 minutes in length. You get about 20 minutes. And of coaching, bring any issue you wish, any questions, anything you're working on and get coached one to one by me. It's a great opportunity. If you've never tried coaching before. You are welcome to come see what it's all about. And of course, if you have been coached before, you're more than welcome and we'll help to get you a little bit of a shift and moving forward.

So those are my announcements for today.

I'm just busy getting ready for Christmas. Yeah, we had our first snowfall today. And yeah, I'm planning to hibernate for the next few months. But it's okay. It's okay.

So today I wanted to talk about moving from victim mode to empowerment. I know for sure that all of us have done this at one point or another, and we've made ourselves the victim, and it's a pretty sneaky mindset where we feel like our happiness or our unhappiness is caused by other people or our external situations and circumstances, and if you've ever thought that I wouldn't feel this way if only they would change, or they would do something different, or if they hadn't done this, then this episode is for you.

Here's the truth. Victim mode keeps us stuck because it's based on a fundamental misunderstanding, that others cause our pain.

What if I told you that the only thing we're ever truly tolerating is our own thoughts and feelings.

So today I wanted to explore a little bit how this mindset works and why it's disempowering and most importantly how you can break free so that you can step into your power and create the life you want. Because when you are a victim you are giving your power away.

Whether it's your mother in law, whether it's technology, whether it's the economy, whether it's politics, whether it's your husband, your kids, your boss, your job, traffic, whatever it is, you are giving them their power, or sorry, you are giving them your power.

You're giving your power away and letting them control your emotions.

So let's start with the basics. Being a victim is the belief that someone else or something outside of you has to change for you to feel better. It is basically their fault, and therefore they need to do something different. Or say something different, or be different, or have not done something differently, for you to feel better.

For example, have you ever found yourself saying, If my partner just communicated better, I'd be happier. Or, if my boss appreciated me more, I'd feel valued.

These thoughts place all the power in someone else's hands. I speak to clients all the time who are frustrated because somebody sent them a text message, or somebody's called them, or somebody said something, and, it's made them feel angry, it's made them feel frustrated. This person said this, so I am upset. The problem is that these thoughts place all the power in someone else's hands.

And when we blame external circumstances, we give away control over our emotional well being. Instead of solving the real issue, we stay stuck, waiting for someone else to fix things. We believe it's not in our hands. We don't have the power.

But the reality is, the pain isn't coming from the other person. It's coming from our own thoughts about the situation. It's our interpretation. But more on that in a minute. Let's talk about this idea of tolerating.

We often say things like, I'm tolerating their bad behavior or I'm putting up with this situation.

But here's the truth. The only thing we're ever truly tolerating is our own thoughts and feelings about the situation.

So let's break that down a bit. Imagine a friend cancels plans at the last minute. Your thought might be, They don't respect my time. That thought leads to feelings of hurt or frustration. You think you're tolerating their behavior.

But in fact, you're tolerating that painful story you've created in your mind. You might not know why your friend has cancelled plans. But you're assuming That they don't respect your time. That's one version of the story. There may be a completely other version of the story. Something's come up. They're not feeling well. Whatever it is. But your interpretation is that they're not respecting your time. Now, I'm not saying that you let people walk all over you. But, you have to recognize that your pain comes from your interpretation. Not their actions. You've told a story in your mind about what they're thinking and what they're doing. And this is a game changer because it puts the power back in your hands. We are causing our own pain with our thinking. It's not what happens, but it's the meaning that we attach to it. Here's another example. Let's say your colleague gets promoted, but you don't. You might think, I'll never be good enough. Or, they must like her more than me. Those thoughts lead to feelings of inadequacy or resentment. Now, imagine someone else in that situation, right? Exact same situation, colleague gets promoted, but their thought might be, good for her. I'll focus on improving my skills for the next opportunity. And they feel inspired. instead of upset. The difference here is not the circumstance, it's the thought about it. Recognizing this is extremely liberating because it means you don't have to wait for things to change.

You can shift your perspective right now. It's always the story that we're telling ourselves. It's always the perspective. It's always our interpretation. I like to give the example of reading a book, I could love a particular book, and another friend could read it, exact same book, and she doesn't like it at all. And that's actually, in fact, happened to me. And, what happened?

Same book, but you just have two different minds, two different interpretations, two different lenses through which we're seeing and reading. understanding the book, right? Nobody's right or wrong, but it just is. This is how we interpret things. So how do we move out of victim mode into empowerment? How do we get our power back? It starts with taking responsibility for our thoughts and feelings. Now here's a simple three step process.

First, We always start with awareness. The first step is recognizing when you're in the victim mode. You have to be paying attention to your thoughts. She makes me feel, or this isn't fair, or she shouldn't have said this, or I did this because she said this, And then you want to get curious. Use curiosity. Instead of staying stuck, get curious and ask yourself, What am I thinking that's creating this feeling? Writing it down always helps. Write your thoughts down. You can get a little bit more perspective. See it in black and white, and that gives you a little bit more objectivity. The third step is to reframe and shift your focus. You want to choose a thought that feels more empowering. For example, if you're thinking the thought, they don't respect me, then you can shift that thought to maybe, I can set boundaries to protect my time. If you're thinking the thought, this always happens to me, you can shift it to what can I learn from the situation. Empowerment comes from realizing that you control your thoughts, which means you control your feelings. You can rewrite the story at any moment.

One of my favorite stories is when I first started being coached myself. I was in Lebanon and driving myself to work every morning and the drivers were really it was a little weird. I'm sorry, it was just a mess. It was just a mess. People going backwards and forwards and left and right and cutting in front and, just like everywhere. No traffic signs, no signals, no traffic lights, no police, nothing. It's just a bit of a free for all, to be honest. And I would get so frustrated. And I was driving six kilometers to work in the morning. And people would just, cut in front of me, do other, and I would get so upset. And, I would get to work and I'd be so frustrated and wound up. And the other drivers, weren't paying any attention to me, but I was the one who was wound up. But I wasn't changing anything on the roads. I finally realized this, that I had the power, and that I was giving my power away to the other drivers in this situation.

And that, I remember clearly driving to work that one morning and a car cutting out in front of me and I started to feel that rise in my body, that emotion coming up and I was like, wait, I said, do I want to give this guy my power? I was like, no, I don't. And. I just calmed back down and I just let it go and, it wasn't perfect, it took me a while to reach a point where I could drive and I was much calmer and much more relaxed and not worried about it, but I realized how much I was giving away all of my power to these other drivers. And nothing changed, and I was so wound up, and it was completely unnecessary.

This is what we do. We give our powers to our mother, or our job, our boss, whatever situation we're in.

But it's not necessary, and it's strictly our interpretation. You are never a victim of your circumstances.

The only thing you're ever tolerating is your own thoughts and feelings. And the moment you take responsibility for those, you take back your own power. And it's a great feeling, I have to tell you. You'll feel so much calmer.

This week, I encourage you to notice when you're in victim mode. Ask yourself, what am I thinking that's creating this feeling? And then see if you can reframe the thought into something more empowering. Just remind yourself, you don't have to give your power away.

Remember the shift from victim to empowerment isn't about perfection, it's about progress. And every time you take responsibility for your thoughts, you're one step closer to creating the life you want.

Thanks everybody for tuning in today. Thank you for being here.

And I'll talk to you next week. Bye bye.

Thank you for listening to This Daring Adventure podcast with your host Trista Guertin.

We hope you enjoyed the tips and conversations on how to get excited about life again.

As always, you can head to tristaguertin.com for additional resources and to book a one on one coaching session.

You can also follow Trista on Instagram at tristavguertin.

Don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review us on Apple Podcasts.

Thanks again for tuning in and we'll see you next time.